At thirty years old, and a so-far accomplished husband and father of a rapidly growing boy, I’ not nearly as accomplished a drinker as I used to be. My current drinking habits can be best referred to as abstemious. I hate ‘getting drunk’. It just doesn’t suit my personality. I am a high-energy, meticulous sort of person, and I like my actions to be deliberate.
Therefore, the heaviest drinking I am likely to do will be maybe four or five drinks over the course of six or seven hours, on the weekend, in the comfort of my own home. Even then, such volume is pretty rare, as a ‘wild night’ anymore usually consists of three drinks over the course of five or six hours until I get pooped and crash at 11:00. Yeah. Getting old is awesome!
All that being said, every once in a great while, I get ‘That One Beer.’ You know the kind – it’s the one that makes me sick or something. All the other beers that I have before it in the evening are fine, but That One makes me feel woozy, double-visioned that night, and usually gives me a headache in the morning. Not cool! That Beer gives me cotton-mouth and keeps me from sleeping restfully, and it often makes my knees achy in the morning.
I think I need a Beer-O-Meter… …correction, an iBeerMeter. I explain the difference in this post. At any rate, I need some sort of scanner that I can run across all the cans, identify the offending beverage, and mark it especially to serve to obnoxious company or something. If I could manage to skip That Beer, I could continue happily drinking, never cross the line from pleasant buzz to intoxication. But, alas – I don’t know how to identify That Beer until I’ve had about three-quarters of it. At that point, I can’t pour it out – that would be a waste of beer!
Oh, what is a guy to do?