About eleven years ago, I met a girl that excited me. I was on the way out of a bad relationship, and everybody said that it was a rebound relationship. When I was at work or school, or she was at work or school, all I could think about was freeing up the schedules to the point that I could see her again. I loved her. I was a conservative young man, and I was not going to let my emotions run away with me, but all I wanted to do was to have a life with this girl. From the first date, which included her paying for some chicken fingers at Denny’s, I felt this way. I’m here to tell you, people, the feeling does come and go.
But today, after eleven years, I was sitting at my desk at work, and I felt the same way. I couldn’t wait for the day to be over so I could be with Jenni. I was crunching the numbers, planning my shipments, prettying up an equipment manual because the last one I did was better than the older ones, and I couldn’t give it 100-percent of my attention, because I can’t stand being apart from her.
I have said on several occasions that I would fight back to back against the zombies with her, over anybody else, any day, ever. That only has a little to do with her xtreem skillz. It has more to do with the fact that I know her and love her. Have you seen my baby with a shotgun? Might I add, that is a 12-gauge? Zombies beware!!!
On the above mentioned day one – first ‘date’ and such, I’m sure that it was mostly puppy-love, but it turned into so much more. The last decade plus has wielded a relationship that is better than that perfect, first date. What I have is a soul-mate. She knows me, and she still loves me (imagine that). I will pester her about leaving shoes around the floor, and sneezing all the time, and being cold when it’s 80 in the house, and even make up annoying little nicknames for her like ‘Juniper Limb,’ which she even uses as a screen name on forums, and she only ever returns love. How could I not return that love?
I know full-well that both of you that read my blog also read hers. Therefore, I know that you know of the deal that she’s working through right now. And, I know that you know how she feels about me through the experience. Wow. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything that special. I’m simply trying my best to be there for her. “I’m trying to be my best…”
I also know that if you are following me, you know that I am also personally facing issues intertwined with all the stuff going on. It hurts, guys. It hurts bad. I vaguely wrote about it a year and a half ago. Like a sick or injured animal, I’m really not comfortable sharing the specifics of that quite yet. I feel shame. I know that I shouldn’t, but I do. I imagine the dog with the injured leg, ignoring the pain, so he doesn’t limp, and the others in the pack don’t see his weakness. That’s kind of how it feels right now.
Even though Jenni’s news only recently broke, I knew. I didn’t know who, but I knew. Before the fact, I thought it would be a relief. In a way, it is. It hurts a lot worse than I expected it to – and yet, not so much. What I had in mind was completely fictional and unreal. It was a cartoon ghost created in the dark depths of my own mind. Recently, sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode, but other times, I feel so much more free than I have before in the last decade. The funny thing is that I avoided asking her about it because I was afraid of how it would hurt. It’s still worth it, and I should not have put off the question for my own benefit. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have still let her have her time with it, and come out in her own timing. But, enough of that for now!
I love her. All else aside, this relationship is working! My ‘rebound’ relationship turned out to be the rare and wonderful ‘real thing.’ Every time we have hit a rut in the road, it has only drawn us closer together. I know that hard times can drive a couple apart, but I will reference my above comment of fighting the zombies back to back with her. Right now, we are figuratively fighting zombies. They are no longer alive, but they do threaten our very being. The times are bad. But, I’m back to back with the one person that I want to be with for the experience. If there are any two people that can live through this battle, it’s my Jenni and me. We will make it, and we’ll be stronger and closer for it.
As Jay G tends to say,
That is all.