Oh noez!1!! We Haz 2 Git teh Oozies awf teh Streeetz!!!!!!1!!

Go read this article. It is worth the laugh. (Thank you, Breda!)

Allow me to share some of the gems:

Mayor Byron Brown said, “We will get anything from long guns rifles, AK-47’s, oozies, so we have gotten those assault weapons.”

Translation: ‘long gun rifles’ = Super Soaker, ‘AK-47’ = Nerf Dart Blaster, ‘oozies’: Home Depot brand caulk gun. In truth, most of the guns were simply children’s toys, but the authorities and media have nearly no experience with actual firearms, so we can’t really blame them for the confusion.

“I found the pistol in my backyard and I found the sawed off shotgun in my trailer in the middle of winter,” he said.
He doesn’t know what they were used for but doesn’t want them near his home.

Not going to take them to the police, like he should have, but definitely, definitely doesn’t want them near his home when he can get $100.00 for them!

“The reason I brought them in is because I have a 9 year old and a stepson that was shot with a handgun, quite a few years ago and he survived,” Holiday exclaimed.

So, he needs a bigger handgun to shoot his stepson with? What is he trying to tell us here?

So far there have been more homicides this year than in all of last year.

…with a rapidly shrinking number of legal guns in the area, but that couldn’t possibly be a valid correlation, could it?

Surveillance video shows a passenger holding what appears to be a gun but the suspect has not been caught.

‘Appears’, huh? So, who knows? Maybe he was holding a kitten…

I’m shocked by the lack of intelligence in this op ed. No, on second thought, I’ve seen the wonderful stuff that’s been coming from the major media recently. God help us all!

UPDATE!!! *cheesy telegraph sound*

Sometime in the last few hours, they corrected their misspelling from ‘oozies’ to ‘uzis’, which thinly veils their complete and utter ignorance concerning firearms. I still think they got confused concerning the identity of an old caulk gun, but that’s just my opinion.

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