I had a dream last night that I was the White House cook. Mr. and Mrs. Obama and Sasha and Malia were all seated at the table with places set, ready for their meal. The plates and flatware were arranged, wine was served, candles were lit. My staff and I came out from the kitchen with covered trays, ready to serve the feast. The eyes of the first family settled on us as we entered. We placed the trays on the table, and the president picked up his fork and knife in anticipation. Several of my staff and I pulled the lids off the trays in unison, releasing a bit of steam from dinner.
Mr. Obama’s face went first from anticipation to confusion. Then it went to realization, shock, and anger. He dropped his silverware and pushed out of his chair, spilling his glass. He threw his napkin to the ground and spun at me. The first lady pushed her chair back and turned her head with a look of nausea on her face. The girls wrinkled their little noses and squealed in disgust.
“What is THIS?” he loudly demanded.
I nervously replied, “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”
“Is this supposed to be some kind of JOKE?” He howled, “What have you served to my family?”
I pointed at the trays, each in turn and explained, “That is potatoes au gratin, and that is asparagus, here’s the bread, and of course the free-range duckling. All of it is organic, and we digested it ourselves, just for you!”
“It’s CRAP!” He screamed, “How DARE you serve me and my family CRAP?!?!?”
I backed a step, “Sir, I’m not sure ‘crap’ is quite the proper term, and I thought you would be pleased.”
“‘Pleased’? What in the world would make you think that I would be pleased?”
“The Golden Rule,” I replied, “You want to force my family and I into the same, inferior health care as Cuba and Canada, because you don’t trust me to take care of the health and medicine of my family for myself. You push a rushed bill that is merely a conglomeration of left-wing pet projects that will shackle people like me with debt for generations, and call it ‘stimulus.’ You think so low of people like me that we couldn’t possibly be trusted with our own defense against those that would seek to hurt us, or to realize that Guantanamo is a red herring that means nothing to you, or that I could possibly know how to properly spend my own paycheck.
“I simply thought that you would appreciate it if your dinner had already been digested for your convenience, considering the fact that you seem to think the American People are incapable of doing anything for themselves, and continue to push crap legislation that is advertised as beneficial. Was I mistaken?”