Hollyweird in My Backyard

Well, it seems that Jessica Alba started putting up posters around Oklahoma City like a pre-teen in her own bedroom. Why do these actor-types feel like they can do whatever they want whenever they want to? It defies all reason! There was Wynona with her shoplifting, Bobcat with his live TV arson, and now this! Then again, I’m talking about a chunk of society that has an alarmingly high concentration of belivers in a religion made up by a crazy sci-fi author. I am speaking of a group of people employed on the basis of pretending to be someone that they are not. These people may spend months immersed in fantasy because it’s their job! That’s all fine and dandy, but why do they feel like they don’t have the same boundaries as the rest of us?

For that matter, why do they think they have any right whatsoever to tell the rest of us how to think? They aren’t paid to think. They are paid to pretend they are so many somethings that they are not. Like many others, I don’t care what they think just as long as they make me laugh, or cry, or happy, and basically entertained in general. Don’t tell me what to think. We will tell you what to think. As my lovely wife has said of these people on more than one occasion, “You are here for my entertainment! Dance, monkey!”

Jess, can I call you ‘Jess’? I’m glad you care so deeply for the great white sharks that you want to raise awareness. You ought to know that I’m kind to every great white shark I run into around here in OKLAHOMA!!!!! Which, if you didn’t know already is a LANDLOCKED STATE!!!!!!! Sgt. Knight said that you did a great job putting up the posters, though. Since you got so bored of your filming in Guthrie that you had to fall back to your hobby, maybe you are in the wrong line of work. Maybe you could make a living applying wallpaper in homes or possibly billboard maintenance. You could be the cutest billboard technician evah!

OBTW – I really liked Dark Angel, and my wife thinks that she may want to highlight her hair like you’ve had yours recently. Please don’t glue anything to my house.

*Cheesy telegraph beeping sound* UPDATE:

As it turns out, I may have underestimated Jessica Alba. You did the right thing, kid. All hope may not yet be lost.

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3 thoughts on “Hollyweird in My Backyard

  1. Hmmm, I have some beachfront in Tennessee I’m willing to sell to “Jess” at an unbelievable price. Perhaps she can save the sharks there.

    *passes the fin soup–counterclockwise, of course*

  2. Bull sharks are able to live and breed in freshwater. A bull shark has been caught as far as 1800 miles up the Mississippi River.

    Hollyweirdos are such morons.

  3. The Mississippi doesn’t come through Oklahoma, but I’ve read that about the sharks there. Wasn’t that the basis for an alternate ending to Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn? LOL!


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