Something That I Never Intended to Share

In the last few weeks, the three of us in my happy little family have been running around like mad. We’ve been helping friends and family move, have flung ourselves into several home improvement projects, and have generally just been keeping busy. This has caused me some late nights and early mornings that I would normally prefer not to have. Being young, I can generally handle it. It has taken its toll to a small degree which I will detail below.

Last night we were out late, as we went to see Monty Python’s Spamalot. It was stupid, silly, fun, and quite amazing. Afterwards, we had a late dinner of Taco Bueno and crashed. This morning, as we were about to leave for work, Mr. Poop impatiently got on the elevator. The elevator operator in my body does not like this recent schedule and has been quite cranky. This morning, he decided to take out some frustration on Mr. Poop and me. So, as I sat there on the toilet:

Elevator Operator: What floor?

Mr. Poop: Ground floor, please. I’m leaving today.

EO: Excellent! I hope you have enjoyed your stay here at Michael Suites.

MP: Well actually, I’ve stayed longer than I expected to. I think I’ve about worn out my welcome.

EO: Nonsense! You’re always welcome. Floor 50, housewares.

MP: No, I get the distinct feeling that I’m not welcome. I’m glad the elevator is working today though.

EO: Floor 49, kitchen and dining. Watch your step!

MP: Seriously, dude. I’m not getting off here. I’ve got places to go.

EO: Sorry. Let’s try that again. Floor 48, pets.

MP: (Getting impatient) Look guy, this is getting old!

EO: I’m so very sorry. Thank you for your patience. Floor 49, kitchen and dining.

*Door opens*

MP: (Seriously perturbed and raising voice) We were just on this floor! You just took us up! This is really not funny! Some of us are on a schedule here! Now please – pretty please with a cherry on top – let’s go down quickly!

EO: (With a sly smile) Right away sir. (Opens a panel on the elevator wall and pulls a large lever inside) Going down!

*The elevator surges with creaking and groaning of ancient metal parts, and then plummets. Mr. Poop is nailed to the ceiling of the elevator car as it accelerates towards certain doom*

EO: Next stop, basement! *Maniacal laughter*

*The elevator snaps to an abrupt halt and the floor tears out of the elevator car as Mr. Poop is fired into the water below, screaming in terror*

And that’s how it happened. I suppose I’m not as young as I used to be. I used to be able to pull as many all-nighters as I needed to with no harrowing events such as these. Maybe I should watch my sleeping and eating habits more carefully…

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