I read this blog by Rachel Lucas. Rachel has a wonderful way of repainting the universe in a four-year-old’s black and white frankness, being completely honest and still not insulting. I will submit this for your approval;
Let’s say that there was a food that everyone really, really likes a lot, the most delicious food in the world, which almost everyone agrees is absolutely freakin’ delicious – call it orgasm cake. It’s that good. And let’s say that every time you eat orgasm cake, you have about a 20% chance of developing a benign tumor. For genetic reasons, that tumor is extremely painful only for people with blue eyes, so painful that they will have no choice but to have it surgically removed. Any other color eyes, and it is not painful but rather actually feels good and makes you happy. So everyone knows before they eat the cake whether or not they’re going to want that tumor.
The surgery for removing the painful tumor entails all the risks that all surgeries do. It costs money, it’s emotionally difficult, and it’s physically painful.
And let’s say there are dozens of ways for blue-eyed people to eat orgasm cake every single day of their lives but never develop that tumor. All they have to do is take a pill, or stick a patch on their arm, or wrap their fork in plastic and sprinkle some tasteless chemical on the orgasm cake before eating it, or most effectively, do all of those things and others. Blue-eyed people who take those precautions almost never grow the tumor and thus never require the surgical procedure. Everyone knows about these precautions and can get them from either the drug store or the same doctor who they’d otherwise have to go to for the surgery.
Ok. I love this. Let’s take it a step or two further. Imagine if you will that this benign tumor is not the only risk associated with eating orgasm cake. Let’s imagine that people with blue, brown, hazel, and green eyes can contract certain diseases from eating orgasm cake that they may not know the history of. If the cake they are eating was imported from certain other countries, for example, there may be more in it than just cake, much like the bad gluten in pet food, or lead paint on toys. Or perhaps the cake has not been stored carefully and has been stored improperly for too long, so that it looks good, but it can really make you sick.
If this were true, you could get a disease from eating certain cake that would show itself later by putting nasty sores around your mouth that would reoccur throughout your lifetime, or perhaps something less severe that could be cured with a shot. Or, perhaps you could get a disease from the cake that would cause your immune system to shut down, and you would eventually die of pneumonia. The fact of the matter is you don’t know whose been nibbling on that cake that has not been treated properly prior to you. They may have had a disease that caused nasty sores on their mouths.
At the very least, you should wrap your fork with plastic if you are going to eat orgasm cake. The plastic will effectively protect you from these diseases most of the time. There have been a lot of studies that show that wrapping the fork in plastic is up to 80% efficient in stopping the spread of these diseases. The problem is that the plastic is porous, and may still pass the microbes that cause the diseases. Or, the fork may poke a hole in the plastic, thereby rendering it useless as protection.
What I’m getting at here is that the plastic wrap is the second best protection against diseases associated with eating orgasm cake. The absolute best protection is not nearly as desirable for most. You don’t need to eat orgasm cake to survive. If you don’t eat the cake, you won’t get sick. If you limit your sources of orgasm cake, preferably to one supplier that only makes it for you, your chances of contracting CTD’s (cake transferred diseases) decreases to practically zero. I know that a lot of people don’t want to hear this, because the cake is so good! But, there you have it.
As long as society is casual about who eats whose cake, the spread of these CTD’s will continue. The casual eating of cake plays into the Confucian Cycle, which our society is currently suffering from anyway. The likelihood that people like me can get more people to treasure their cake instead of casually offering a bite to lots of people is not very high in today’s world. This is unfortunate for all of us.
As long as certain things are happening in our society, we will continue spiraling towards doom. The lack of personal responsibility is abhorrent. The fact that people take the view that kids are going to eat cake anyway, so we may as well give them plastic for their forks so the blue-eyed ones won’t get tumors is a problem as well. Blue-eyed people should have access to pills and plastic, but we need to teach our children the implications of casual cake sharing as well.
Liberals and feminists act as though cake sharing is no big deal, but it is. If not from a moral standpoint, then from an emotional standpoint (I have a lot more to say about that) and from a health standpoint. It’s true that we should not create stigmas for our children about eating cake, but we shouldn’t encourage them to throw their cake at each other at random either.
OBTW – I have not yet said something horribly inappropriate to anyone yet, but I’m still intending to. I know the clock is ticking, and I still plan on doing that before time runs out.