Long ago, in a District of Columbia far away, The Republic was full of unrest. The People had become disgruntled with the then standing Lord Bush, despite his successful eight years protection against Tusken Raiders from across the galaxy. Capitalizing on the unrest, the Sith were able to infiltrate the Republic with Senator Joe Palpatine and his young apprentice, Darth Obama. The pair battled long and hard against Jedi Master McCain, who served the republic in the Clone wars and his Padawan Palin – who was uniquely conceived by the Metachlorians. Darth Obama was able to defeat the two Jedi by calling on his army of mindless clones to vote for him.
Darth Obama and Senator Palpatine sought to emperialize the Republic by seizing control of private industry. Their plans caused the Republic to fall into a deep darkness. This enraged the people far beyond anything that Lord Bush could have possibly done. Through this time, Darth Obama attempted to use his Sith arts to convince the People that all their hardships were the fault of the previous Lord Bush. At first, many were convinced. But, his influence over them grew thin as time went on.
With the aid of his fellow Sith in the Senate, Darth Obama crushed countless cruisers, freighters and other small spacecraft. He also began construction of The Health Star – a device so huge and insidious that no one person could possibly know all of its intricacies. Meanwhile, Darth Obama attempted to make pacts with the villains in the galaxy, neglecting the Republic’s long-time allies.
Some feared that Darth Obama would ban all personal possession of blasters and light sabers, and many started hoarding such weapons. More than a few of those started applying for their permits to carry a light saber, and sought Jedi training. From the disgruntled atmosphere arose a rebellion – a loosely organized group of some Jedi that called themselves the Tea Party.
At first, the imperialists sneered at the Jedi Tea Party, and did not perceive them to be a threat. But, the tide began to turn. The Sith started to fear these new Jedi around the time an ancient and powerful Sith sympathizing Lord known as Teddy the Hutt met his fate. He was replaced by the Jedi Scott Brown, representing the strange moon of Massachusetts. This was but one of many small victories the Jedi rebels were able to take.
Battles were won, but the war raged on. Darth Obama had many allies in the Senate and The Force was quite strong with him. How would the rebellion overcome them? There were rumors of a sneak attack to replace many Sith in the Senate with Jedi. There were quieter rumors that Jedi Master Palin herself would make a return to do battle with Darth Obama and overthrow his reign for good one day. But the Rebellion was quite divided on whether her skills with The Force were strong enough to do the job. Not everyone understood the power of the Dark Side of the Force. Similar rumors existed about Master Newt, who was even more divisive than Master Palin. The one thing the rebels agreed on was that they would find a Jedi who would defeat Darth Obama for them.
So for the time being, the rebellion holds its ground, fending off the Sith one at a time, and trying not to be destroyed by the Health Star. Sometimes, it seems that the Empire grows more powerful every day. It’s often difficult to tell whether or not the Sith foresee their demise – which is clearly written. Anyone who can listen to The Force can already see it.