State of the Onion – Live. With Booze.

BEFORE THE ADDRESS –

OK. First of all, it’s a quarter till the speech comes on. I only thought it fitting to watch on Fox. I mean, come on, right? So, anyhoo… It’s so freaking rare that I ever watch anything broadcast, it’s such a novelty that I turned on the TV ten minutes ago.

American Idol is on. What kind of ***t is this?!?!?!???!? I know that some people electively watch this garbage, but it’s seriously mundane! How could someone consciously subject them to this unless they are waiting for the next show to come on in twenty-five minutes? (Please, please don’t answer that.)

All the ‘singers’ sound the same. I mean – THE. SAME. I know that there are styles that come and go, but be they men or women, boys or girls, they all sound EXACTLY the same! When they find out that they are going to Hollyweird, they flap their wrists in a frenzy as they fan away their tears. WTF is that?!?!?!

I mean they all that that little ‘Awawawawawa’ trill in their voices. If I had EVER and I mean EEEVVVEEERRRR performed any kind of music like that in my lifetime, I would have wound up with a teacher’s foot in my a-hole. The girls sing low, the boys sing high… Come to think of it, pop music hasn’t really changed much in the last twenty-five or so years…

I kind of like commercials as rarely as I ever see them anymore. Hyundai… *Well, that news girl is kind of hot – in a square-jawed, bite-it-off sort of severe way.* AI is back. She’s wearing PINK eyeshadow. I think her shorts are wider than they are long. Did I go to sleep normal and wake up a Puritan or am I just getting old in my non-TV-watching way? *This chick is TERRIBLE!*

The British dude is mean. She was bad, but she wasn’t abusively bad. Yeeeeeaaaahhhh… Melissa is getting drunk tonight. I bet she gives it up to the first dude that shows interest. That’s just sad. Simon! That’s his name!

Yup. This is tarded – all over again. I’m really ready for this crap to be over. But, this cancer chick is wearing a cute skirt. So, do they always show you some underdog that you have to feel sorry for on this God-forsaken show? Leukemia. Is that how that’s spelled? I feel compelled by her singing, but I know that it’s only that I feel sorry for her. Well, and she’s not doing the ‘Awawawawawa’ thing so much. Crap. They’re going to send her. Not even Simon was mean to her. Yup. Predictable.

I can honestly see why people watch this garbage. Leukemia girl is going to Hollyweird with all the other ‘Awawawawwawa’ losers! Yay! So, there’s a commercial break, and I need to put the kiddo to bed. Now that I’m all geared up for shallow, glitzy shows of formulaic showmanship, I’ll be ready for the teleprompter’s state of the onion address! BRB!

THE ADDRESS –

Okie dokie. I’m baaaaaack! I got the kid in bed, and got my booze refill. Tonight, it’s Fighting Cock. Never heard of the stuff before, but it’s cheaper than the regular stuff and it just sounds redneck. On the tube, they’re showing all the politicos, commontatos, stuffed shirts, and talking heads. You know, we should ship all those people to another planet along with all the telephone cleaner type people so we can get on with life.

Oh, oh! Here HE comes! *clapping* *commontation* “mumble, mumble” Apparently, there’s not teleprompter in the crowd. I think I heard him say, “Hey, hey, hey!” Wow! What an orator! I shouldn’t get judgmental yet. He’ll give me plenty of ammo before this is over…

Unrelated note – I’m missing buttons. I was going to link ‘Fighting Cock’ to the Fighting Cock website, fightingcock.com, but I don’t have buttons! That’s weird! I’ll have to check and see if my wordpress installation is jacked up or something…

*Shaking hands* *clapping* *waving* “Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” “Thank YOU! Thank you.” *San Fran Nan introducing* *clapping* *clapping* “Thank you.” *clapping* You know, the first ten minutes could have been skipped. I just got to see Leukemia Girl and Terets (sp?) Boy sent to Hollyweird.. Oh, he’s reading his teleprompter!

*Stating the obvious…* *Trying to sound ironic…* *Citing history…* *Talking about Civil Rights…* *Speaking of the American Way, in a roundabout way, trying to claim some sort of credit…* *Trying to sound like Reagan…* *Blaming the last guy.*

I think it’s funny that he’s talking about how much debt we WERE in when he took office. That’s actually really freaking hilarious! “One in ten people can’t find work” That’s me, Mr. Obama! I’ve decided to make my own work! Tee hee! *he KNOWS our struggles and anxieties!* Ooooooooooooo! *He’s touching our hearts and appealing to our emotions.* (He doesn’t know this robot very well…) Now, he thinks he knows what we want and feel, and what we’re tired of. What he doesn’t realize is that we are just tired of hyper-leftism. Let’s get rid of big government, and I think we’ll all be happier.

Crap. I’m going to have to take a break. I’m only fifteen minutes in, and the kybard is about to catch on fire. His voice is making me try to misspell! BRB. “Never more hopeful about this nations bla bla bla than tonight.” *clapping* “Despite…” Srsly, BRB.

Well, I stepped out during the ‘saved or created’ bit, and bit my tongue, and came in to clapping. Now, he’s talking about how he’s going to shore up small businesses. I’m not impressed. Tax incentive for businesses to develop new stuff. Yeah. He’s now talking New Deal crap. If a 60-year-old accountant loses his job, he’s not going to go to work building a highway. I’m not going to go to work building a new highway. That’s not my skill set. He’s talking about building up blue-collar labor. Gobama. I guess. “Werr gonna give these jobs to Americans,” he says. Or, the teleprompter says, anyway. “Who is pulling those strings?” I wonder.

He’s demanding a bill. He better not claim ‘saving or creating’ my job. That’s all I’m trying to say. He’s again blaming the last administration.

That’s a lot of gray hair that wasn’t there this time last year. This job is killing our Undocumented Commander in Chief. I’m shocked at all the yes-men cheering in the crowd. They must have cherry-picked them. He’s making more promises he can’t deliver on. That kind of exemplifies this administration. “I’m going to make sure that everyone has affordable, high-quality healthcare. Watch me turn this water into wine.” Bla, bla, bla…

Blaming the former administration again. That’s getting really old. Blaming financial institutions. Nancy Pelosi looks like a cross between Golum and a chimpanzee. Joe Biden must have gotten botox this week. I think both of them did, actually. Now he’s talking about free energy and curing cancer. Nope. He’s not a megalomaniac. Not at all. “More jobs. Clean jobs. Green jobs.”

So much for Valentine’s Day. I’m sorry, Jenni. I wanted it to be something special. So much for that. It looks painful when Joe and Nancy smile. I expect their faces to crack off behind Teh One!. “Overwhelming scientific evidence on Climate Change.” Except for the fact that it’s not getting any warmer. And, the fact that the ‘evidence’ is apparently fabricated. But, we’re going to fix it anyway! And, we’re going to export! Even though they don’t WANT our goods. We’re going to DOUBLE our exports, apparently! –to other countries that don’t want our crap. –with a new committee! –seeking AGGRESSIVELY! Oooooooooo!

We’re going to make sure our trade partners play by the rules! *giving the camera the ‘loser’ symbol* We’re going to invest in skills and education. Does that mean that he’s going to re-educate me? NOW, they’re only going to reward success. No longer is this administration going to reward failure. NO MORE!!!!! *clapping* Now, he’s prattling about the success of our children. We better shore up their success, since they owe a f***ing LOT OF MONEY!!!! Money for schools! *yes-men applaud standing.*

$10,000 towards college? ZOMG! That pays for BOOKS! Yay! If you go into the bureaucracy, you don’t pay for skoolz! Now, he’s feeling the middle class through the Biden. “Biden mad! Biden smash!” Now, we’re talking about refinancing.

Yes, we’ve had some bank sending us threatening letters saying that we need to refinance. But, we’re the RESPONSIBLE people. We bought a modest house at a good interest rate, and we’re getting letters saying that we need to refinance. They word it like we aren’t in compliance. But, I digress…

He didn’t choose to tackle this issue ’cause it’s good politics. Healthcare, healthcare… *close up of the first Klingon bride* “She gets embarrassed.” I would too, Barry. I would too. They’re going to bring down the deficit by ONE TRILLION dollars over the next two decades! OMG!!!11!!!! If they could do three times that in the next three years, that would put us back to before the dumbass got elected!

Now, he’s talking doomsday if we don’t do what he says. Too bad he doesn’t have an actual doomsday device to hold us ransom. Healthcare, healthcare… He’s claiming that the doctorses and nurseseses like his plan. He’s saying that he’s open to other ideas. But, we know how this administration treats alternative ideas. *clapping, oh the mindless clapping…* “massive fiscal hole in which we find ourselves” …yeah, after spending like no administration since Ramesis II. (Still blaming the last administration.)

(Still blaming the last administration.) “BS, BS, BS, BS…” (still blaming the last administration.) Now, he’s acting like he feels for us commonfolk serfs again. Now, he’s going to freeze federal spending for three years, except for all the programs. Now, they’re going to go through the budget line by line, page by page. (not like they have for the bills past.) (Blaming the previous administration yet again.) “Bi-partisanship.” I really hate that word. It’s the new Washington buzz-word. (Blaming Bush again.)

NOW, he’s a proponent of pay-as-you-go. I wonder where that was in the first year… Now, he’s misrepresenting AND blaming the previous administration. NOW, he wants to try ‘something new.’ I thought that was the bullet-point of his campaign. Then, it was just Chicago-style, deep-dish politics, right? But NOW, NOW – it’s going to be something new. That’s what he came to Washington to do. He waited a year to do it… He’s excluded lobbyists from his club (except for the ones he liked – then, he dropped the rope ladder for them).

Now, he’s urging for bi-partisanship, “Democrats and republicans!” Lather, rinse, repeat. Now, he wants transparency in spending. He said that we’d get that a year ago, but he says we’re going to get it now. What shall we get? “Now… …I’m not naive.” No, you’re a bastard child of an American teenage whore in Kenya. Oops. Did I really just write that? Now, he’s trying to go buddy-buddy with the Repubs by “speakin’ to both parties now.” No more grudgeses! Letz just pass all teh billz taht Nancy wantsez too! *nearly whispering* He’s trying to change the tone of American politics here.

Notes the Democratic majority. Addresses the Republicans and gives a guilt trip. He’s going to have a ‘meeting’ with all of them. No doubt, he’ll make them run the gauntlet and then do a keg stand before he’ll let them go home. Better bring your lube, Repubs! It’s going to be a rough ride. *Close-up of that dude named Janet Neopolitan – or whatever his name is* Who would name their son ‘Janet’ anyway? Now, he’s talking about all our boys dying overseas. And, how we’re going to finally send more soldiers to finish the job! We’re going to come together in London – finally! Whew! He finally inspires confidence!

As a candidate, he said he was going to end the war. Some years later, he might actually – that is his promise. We’re going to partner with the Iraqi people to end this war – just like we have been for several years now. The military brass don’t seem impressed, but the yes-men applaud standing. At long last, Obama will sign for more resources for the military. Our troops are going to come home from Iraq so they can go to Afghanistan instead.

What the hell is Michelle wearing? It kind of looks like a purple theater curtain… He’s comparing himself to Reagan again… Now, we’re going to be the leader among the countries and we’re going to punish those that don’t obey us. He accuses the right of things, and then he claims that’s exactly what he’s going to do. WTF is that? (Don’t make fun of him for saying ‘HIV-Aids.’ That’s the way it was written on the teleprompter.) Now, he’s saying that we’re wonderful because of Haiti. Granted, we’re doing some great stuff there, but I don’t think that has anything to do with him or his decisions.

“America must always stand on the side of freedom and human dignity. Always.” (Unless it was the last administration, of course.) Now, he cites the Constitution, as if he gives a s*** about that rag scrap of paper… Strengthened punishment of ‘hate’ crimes. Will repeal laws against gays in the military. The military brass seems unimpressed while the yes-men go wild. Women’s rights. Crowd goes wild. NOW we’re going to enforce immigration. NOW we are. That hasn’t been at the top of the Left’s agenda, but NOW we’re going there.

*Talking about ‘American’ values.* I’m not the only one that doubts his sense of ‘American’ values, am I? Careful ragging on the lobbyists, ‘Bama! Some of them are in your cabinet! “Not everyone believes…” We can change when we deliver YOU to the border! Now, he’s talking about doing what’s best for the next generation. Heh. He’s funny. I wonder if he knows how funny he is… We’re going back to the setbacks of American families this year. Hey Barry, I’ll trade you! I bet I could do a better job than you are! Let’s see if you could do what I am. *Tear-jerking stories and inspirational bromides about us as Americans*

“You don’t quit, and I don’t quit!”

“And God bless the United States of America!”

CONCLUSION –

I’m not sure he actually said anything there. –well, if you read between the lines, some of it had to do with cold-sweats after that election in Mass. I dunno. The talking heads are talking, the yes-men are yessing, and the politicians are politicing now. I kind of think that American Idol was more of an investment than what I just watched. I’m kind of impressed with the way my keyboarding has come along. Even with his fast-talking I think I could have actually transcribed it live if I had really wanted to. Maybe I should try to get a job for court transcription or something. Maybe I should run for office. All the politicians made it, and I think I’ve got a whole lot more to offer than the vast majority of those.

GODWIN’S LAW –

Anybody notice that David Axelrod kind of looks like Adolf Hitler? He ought to go with a shorter haircut and lose the mustache. Maybe I should go into business giving makeovers to politicians. So. Many. Possibilities. I think I’ll stick with the holster gig for now… G’nite, all!

After Hours – Day Two of Unemployment…

Make that SELF-employment!  I’m feeling pretty good, actually.  Apparently, I need to put together a real workspace.  My back has been hurting, and I’m getting sick of seeing work laying around.  Getting laid off sucks, but being in the first wave is a blessing in disguise.  It seems noble, but going down with the ship could not be a good thing.  I know that now I could get lulled in by the “I don’t want to work” bug, but if I make myself make a habit of doing what needs to be done, it will work out.  Last night, I did work on a holster for a little while, even though I said I wouldn’t.  Explanation:  I’ve seen way too many of the self-employed work at all hours.  I decided that I would work within hours and not otherwise.  Last night, I had to trim and wet-mold a holster so I could dye it today.  It wasn’t dry until this evening, so I was going to dye it and face another holster this evening.  Then, we got a storm.  I can’t dye when it’s raining, and the adhesive won’t set right when it’s raining.  So, I blew it off.  This is the first time I’ve felt relaxed since Thursday, and it feels WONDERFUL!!!  Two days in, two orders well underway.  I even finished a holster for Jenni.  (I have a friend that makes jewelry.  His wife gets diamonds as random presents.  Jenni got the short end of the stick, apparently.)  If that is any sign, it is going to work.  I still need holster orders, people!  Get off your duffs and buy!  😉

Comment # 666

Wai writes:

If you file for unemployment, you can probably get your state’s unemployment agency to pay for your college classes, if you meet the qualifications. And don’t think of it as “feeding off the system” because your former employer’s unemployment insurance payments to the state pays for these services, for the most part.

As for me, I finally got a job interview next week.

I would have never guessed that Wai was the Antichrist. 😀

The thought of going back to school is becoming more and more plausible. I really am going to check and see what the laws in OK are. I hope your job interview goes well!

News – Good? Bad? Idunno. We shall see.

I’ve made it a somewhat rigid, personal policy to not blog about work. Well, now I can! As of 1620 today, I am officially unemployed. I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming, but I can say with clear conscience that it is of absolutely no fault of my own. I’m not at all shocked, but right now, I’m kind of in shock. It doesn’t quite seem real yet. Even so, this is not by any means my first rodeo, and The Evyl Robot Empyre shall weather this storm as well.

Currently, Jenni and I are discussing options. We are not exactly wealthy by Western standards, which can be a blessing in disguise. I was making adequate money, but it was not by any means extravagant. We also have connections. I could easily replace my income by going to work for another company. I wouldn’t be able to say that if I was raking in a lot of money. (Blessing in disguise?)

Jenni suggested that I might apply for grants and go back to school. There have been many moments that I have kicked myself for dropping out of college before I got my degree. It doesn’t stunt one’s options, but it does certainly limit them. I have heard from a lot of people that my demographic can basically go to school for free if we know the right grants to apply for. I would love to get a degree in engineering or design – or both for that matter! I’m not above going to a technical school or a community college, but I would want to make sure that it was a benefit to me in the long run.

Then, there’s holsters and other things. Folks, currently my holster business is about my only business. If you want a really nice, full-custom holster quick; well, now would be the time to place your order. If I can take orders for about six holsters, I don’t have to go to work in ten days. My brother and I have mused for years of opening a custom shop, specializing in ultra high-end guitar equipment, home audio, and furnishings. Currently, we’ve got a personal project going with an analog 7.1-surround switcher in stainless steel and English Yew. I’d love to make my money building tube amps and the wildest couches and coffee tables that you’ve ever seen. This does not by any means exclude the holster business. There is certainly a place for that in my future.

I really want to explore new mediums and new techniques. I’ve never fitted a dovetail joint before, but I bet I could make a beautiful, sturdy one with just a little practice. I really want to try nejiri arigata, or the ‘Japanese twisted dovetail.’ It’s so beautiful that t doesn’t look real. Hell, it looks downright impossible! OBTW – John Bullar, who wrote the above link = great guy. I had the pleasure of exchanging emails with him at one time. He was open and very helpful when I asked about some of his techniques. He makes gorgeous furniture too! (I take back all the bad things I’ve said about the British…) 😀

But, I digress. I am unemployed. If I get five or six holster jobs this weekend, I’ll take it as a sign. I’m pretty sure I can deliver by next weekend. If that works out, I’ll do another week. I’m going to talk to a guy this weekend in my Sunday school class. I’ve talked to him about getting a job before, and I’m pretty sure he could put me to work next week making at least what I have been. And, I don’t really have anything that I would publicly say bad about my now former employer. The owners are good people. They haven’t made all good decisions, but I really can’t bad-mouth them. I fear that today’s dismissal is the first wave in what will see the company’s downfall.

I’ve said in my personal life that I would not prematurely jump ship from my position, and I certainly fulfilled my word there. Business has been suffering for some time, and income simply would not support the overhead of payroll. I understand that just fine. I can’t say that I really have any regrets. I do think that I should have had the new site up and running by now, but that shouldn’t take long. I haven’t been working on holsters as much as I would like, but I haven’t had any daylight for it.

I’m only slightly freaked out at the moment. I know that God will provide, and He’s got me where He wants me right now. I know that we’re going to be fine. My experience tells me that this can only lead to something better, once the dust settles. Who knows? Maybe I’ll be working for the next Google before too long. Or maybe, I’ll be personally providing a product that everyone wants. I am allowed to dream, aren’t I?

Spambot Girls – III

At work, I’ve been getting spam from what appears to be some kind of Russian dating site. I obviously have not followed the link, for fear of contracting some kind of digital disease. But, I’ve been giggling at the messages in the emails as I peruse my “Junk E-mail” folder. Here are a couple of gems:

Subject line:

If you are disappointed in its second half, bold, come in!

..and the body text:

I can do for you is – what can not no girl! Step to enter [web link redacted]

It cracks me up when spambot girls speak engrish! She sounds like a LOLcat!

Here’s another:

Subject line:

You feel lonely? “I’m too lonely, a friend of the other company?

(I love the superlative quotation mark!)

And, the body text:

Hey, why do not you write? You forgot about me? “I am very unhappy without you, remember me?” It’s me, Olga from Russia, Moscow, remember? I’m waiting for you on his page on the Internet, and miss you terribly!

Um… Olga *shuddering at the mental image of the woman that this name evokes* – srsly NOT interested!!! Whose page are you waiting on again? Maybe you should hit ‘him’ up. I prefer my women less digital and more familiar to me. In fact, I prefer my women in the singular, and I’m really quite happy actually. Thanks anyway.

2 New Additions to my Blogroll

I’m pleased to announce that I’ve got two new links on my blogroll!

Falinfenix, who has commented on my blog on several occasions (and whose comments are always welcome) writes a pretty darned good blog herself – even if not frequently. She still writes more often than some of the others on my blogroll. And, you know who you are! :-(

I have no idea why Lorimor has not been on my blogroll. That’s weird, actually. Welcome aboard, anyway!

To my two readers: Go. Read. Enjoy.

p. s. – OrangeNeck in NY still needs to write his own blog. We should put pressure on him at every opportunity! 😀

BEMF – Watch Experiment Results II

By now, anybody who has been been reading my blog is aware of my watch experiments. For anybody else who doesn’t feel like following that link, here’s a quick update: My Seiko and my Tag Heuer were both significantly losing time, after relatively fresh overhauls. The reason I’m wearing mechanical movements is that something about my body’s chemistry quickly kills quartz watches. Since both automatics were losing time, I decided to demagnetize them and see if that fixed the problem. With the Seiko, it very much did fix the problem.

I’ve been wearing my Tag for six weeks now since the demagnetization. I set it to the time on my phone, which as you probably have assumed is set by the atomic clock in Colorado. At this point, the Tag is eight minutes fast, according to the same reference. So, it appears to be gaining 1:20 per week, which although not perfect, is a significant improvement over what it was doing prior to the demagnetization. Until this writing, I have not attempted to start the timer on the watch. But, I will now start the timer and run it for a minute as a preliminary test.

The one minute test functioned correctly, except the reset seems to be jammed on the minute hand of the timer. I’m going to reset the time, turn on the timer and run it for a couple of hours see if that corrects the problem. I’ll let you know what happens!

UPDATE *cheesey telegraph beeping sound*

The Tag’s movement got completely jammed when the timer had hit about half an hour. The minute hand still doesn’t reset. I’m really annoyed. I’m going to call the jeweler who rebuilt it and give them a piece of my mind!

Holster Sneak Peek

I know I’ve mentioned on an occasion or two that my sis in law is working at the gun range. At this particular range, the employees are encouraged to open carry while on the premises. She’s got her CCW license, and a couple of handguns, but she hasn’t really had a holster that’s suitable for the job. I have on my to-do list a couple of CCW holsters for both my brother and his wife (as well as another few for Jenni), but I’ve really been focusing on getting my SIL into a holster that she can OC on the clock.

Incidentally, I’m about to debut my new holster page which will supersede my current holster page. I’ve been working on a few, pretty radical designs to debut the new site with. So, I took the opportunity to stretch myself a little and cobbled together something quite unique for my bro’s bride. I’m probably not going to post this one on my current gunleather page, but rather save it for the debut of the new site. However, for both of my loyal readers, I thought I’d throw in a sneak peek.

Being girl-to-the-core, my sister in law loves her pinks and purples, and if it sparkles, even better. The gun in question is a S&W 686 SSR from the Pro Series. It’s got some beautiful model stamping and etching on the side of the frame and a slab-sided barrel that I wanted to leave visible while holstered, but I still wanted to fully enclose the trigger guard and provide enough retention that it wouldn’t fall out if she ran or jumped while wearing the thing.

After scribbling on graph paper for quite some time, I decided to go with a rig not unlike some of the competitive holsters that I’ve seen used by the likes of Jerry Miculek. I also wanted to give it flash. I’d been dying to try out a solid color with a thin, decorative panel in a complimentary color overlayed, in much the way of a toe-cap on a pair of wingtip shoes. so, this is what I came up with:

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There’s just enough retention between the muzzle, trigger guard, and body side of the cylinder that the gun sticks nicely in the holster. since it rides right under the arm, it’s quite defensible. I wouldn’t recommend anyone wear a contraption like this in the general public, but I’m quite pleased with how it turned out for its purpose. Upon reholstering, it latches into place with a satisfying ‘snap’. At that point, the gun won’t fall out even when inverted and shaken.

100_4513

To draw, it takes a rock forward…

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…and then a slight lift for the muzzle to clear the bottom of the holster.

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Do you feel lucky?

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The gun even rides surprisingly close to the body!

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The next time I build a holster in this style, there are things that I’ll do differently. Most of that has to do with the way I layer the leather, and what weights of hide I use where. I feared that with the spartan openness of the design, I’d have to err on the heavier, thicker side. As it turns out, that may have been a pretty major detriment to the molding process, and I’m not convinced that it evenly traded out for rigidity – which was the original objective. The stitching hurt. Period. I had to do all my stitching in several phases, as my hands kept cramping up.

Even still, there are a couple concepts that I was testing out with the construction of this particular piece: I wanted to see if I could successfully do the wingtip-style overlay, and I wanted to see if I could successfully build a functional holster that was radically different from my standard pancakes. Mission accomplished on both fronts! I will be testing some other concepts with some of the ‘family’ holsters that I’ve got coming up. For instance, I’m going to try my own, unique concept of the ‘tuckable’ IWB. I’m also going to be experimenting with some new, exotic materials that are certainly not widely-used in the holster market. Once I go live with the new website, I hope to have several new show pieces to provide some eye-candy for the debut. Wish me luck!