This is just disgusting. I may not be able to actually write this one, but I’ll certainly try. People cry and moan about rising fuel costs, and continue to buy bigger vehicles (for individual use, I might add), and they will continue to justify it by saying that they cannot achieve comfort in a smaller vehicle. I have a couple of crackpot theories that I’d like to share with you, and a couple of solutions to this problem and others. NOTE: Please pardon my lack of slick HTML’n, but I’m just not gifted with coding. We shall try to address this issue, but just bear with me for the time being.
I’m sure that everyone who reads this is familiar with the concept of “Supply and Demand.” It’s not such a difficult concept. When there is a finite supply of a commodity, and people consume more of it than they used to, the price goes up. It is a true, proven, fact that vehicles are getting bigger and more fuel hungry. I will use this reference to illustrate this: “article” The bottom line is this: If you people keep on buying cars (trucks) that are gas-gusslers, and keep on driving them many miles per year, the cost of fuel will keep rising. If we could reduce gasoline consumption by 20%, as per CAFE standards (click here) of the EPA, we could operate on domestic oil only, and artificially drive down the price of fuel by not consuming expensive, foreign oil. So, according to this, all we have to do is drive smaller, more efficient vehicles in order to pay less for gasoline. And, let’s pretend for a minute that everyone is on board with this idea, and we are all striving for more fuel-efficient vehicles, car-pooling, and shorter daily commutes. What we discover is that our savings is disproportionately high in comparison to the difference in our actual fuel consumption. That’s because the demand has gone down, oil importation has gone down, and gas is cheaper. Now, I understand that some people need to drive a truck to support their livelihood. Work trucks should not be included in this equation, if there is no way to avoid driving a truck. As to many others, “But, I just can’t get comfortable in a small car,” you say…
Next, I will submit for your approval, my crackpot theory that links car sales with fitness. People can’t get comfortable in a little car because they are fat. Ideal BMI (Body Mass Index) for an adult is between 18.5 and 24.9 (see how fat you should be), versus the national average in the US of 26+ (see how fat people actully are). Apparently, 63% of Americans are overweight with a BMI of 25+, and 31% are technically obese with a BMI in excess of 30 (click here, if you want to. You know you want to, you dirty freak!). I mean, holy crap! No wonder we can’t drive little cars! Our big, fat butts won’t fit in the little seats! Ouch! That kind of stings! According to the data on that last link, this is a rapidly increasing problem (seems to be proportional to the number of larger-car sales). I actually looked up my ideal BMI at this website: see how fat you are, and it turns out that I am in fact 3-lbs overweight. Most people that I know thinks I’m really skinny. What does that say about them?
Now, the next question is this: Why are we getting fatter as a society? Could it be because of the lack of exercise, or the unrealistic proportions of our food? When was the last time you went into a restaurant and bought a human-sized meal? If there was too much food, did you still eat it all? How many hours a week do you spend sleeping, sitting at a desk, or watching TV? By comparison, how many hours did you spend exercising? There’s nothing wrong with going for a bike ride, swim, walk, etc. Or is it because of the quality of food? In a two-income household, it’s usually just easier to warm up some frozen dinners or hit McD’s instead of cooking food made from ingredients. Please pause to reflect on that last sentence for a moment.
In fact, I believe that it’s all of these things.
Now, for my crackpot twist. I think that the terrorists hate us to the degree that they do because of our gross excess. Sure, they may dislike us because we’re a predominantly Christian country, and we control such a huge chunk of the world’s wealth. But to wave it in their faces with our gigantic portions of food which we store on our thighs and guts, and then accommodate by getting larger, less efficient vehicles, out of convenience, and let’s face it, laziness; I believe that this is what infuriates them. Well, that and our ridiculous “celebrities.”
Now for my unprecedented solution: Let’s gather up everyone who drives a long commute solo, in a large vehicle, because they think it’s “cool,” or it makes them feel “safe.” I’m not even going to go into the fact that they are deliberately sacrificing the safety of others for their false sense of security. We’re gathering these people up, so it’s not really an issue anymore. Along with these people, let’s bring in Paris Hilton, Kato Kaelin, and everyone else who is famous for no apparent reason, or by no talent of their own. Let’s take this group of people and send them to the terrorists. Come on! They are the reason that we are getting bugged by these terrorists! Let’s give them what they want! It will reduce the cost of fuel by taking so many inefficient vehicles off the road, inspire domestic economic growth by lowering the price of fuel, reduce the cost of health care, by taking the obesity load off of the medical industy, and make it safer to be an American!
And then, for the second wave in my attack on terrorism: If the above method proves to not work on the terrorists, let’s gather up all the Bush-haters who want to pull our troops out, and give them what they want. Let’s bring all the U. S. troops home, and replace them with the liberals. That way, they can go on some kind of creepy “Love Campaign” against the terrorists and see how well that works. Then, we’ll be able to do away with excessive welfare, and avoid becoming a communist country, effectively control our borders, and continue in our war on terrorism. Besides that, those guys are practically volunteering for a job like this. It’s not that I want to see them slaughtered. Quite the contrary, I will wish them the best of luck! If they make friends with the terrorists, and come back safely, I will tip my hat to them and regard their crackpot theories a little more closely.
You know, I should probably expound on that last paragraph. This has been one rant that has just drifted into another one completely. Maybe that can be my next blog entry…