I would challenge each of you to deliberately spread words of kindness this weekend. Except if you’re talking to a werewolf. You probably shouldn’t talk to werewolves at all. It’s a full moon tonight after all. Keep your silver bullets on hand.

“Yup,” he commented, “I’m surprised this only just now started to bother you. Let’s see the other one.”

“Well, I’m only experiencing it on the one side,” I protested, as I am wont to do with the doctor.

He smiled at me, “just humor me.”

When he looked into the other ear he commented again, “this one is almost as bad. I’m surprised you can hear from it.”

He then pulled out this frightening device that I have since learned is not so nearly exotic as it seemed at the time. What can I say? I’d never seen an ear syringe before. He placed a towel over my shoulder and handed me a bed pan, instructing me to hold it on my shoulder under my ear. He then placed a tube from one end of the syringe in a cup of water and placed the nozzle in my ear canal. He then furiously pumped the plunger until I heard a POP and a WHOOSH! The world was suddenly so loud! On this page, scroll down to the picture entitled “Ear Syringing”. The look on that little girl’s face says it all.

“There we go,” he said. In the catch pan, was a clump of blackish material that was approximately 1.5-inch long and at least 3/4-inch in diameter.

“Holy cow!” I exclaimed, “that came out of my ear? No wonder it hurt so badly!”

“Yup,” he said, “now, let’s do the other side.”

To my surprise, that much buildup flushed out of my other ear as well. I asked whether there was something that I should be doing different hygienically to avoid such a situation again. He explained that some people have physiology such that they will get earwax buildup no matter what they do, and I’d likely need to have my ears flushed out every few years.

Every time I get my ears blown out, they feel sensitive. As one would imagine, I can hear a lot of sounds that I don’t otherwise. breezes feel uncomfortable, as if they are blowing straight into my head and brushing my bare eardrums. The definition of the sound I hear is a lot more crisp right after this procedure. After a few weeks, they stop feeling so vulnerable, and after a few years, I have to have it done again.

True to his advice, I went to see him on two subsequent occasions to have my ears blown out. Then, he retired. I don’t know why I doubted that every GP had his very own ear syringe, but the last time my ears felt plugged up, I sought an at-home remedy. At one of the local stores, I purchased a Debrox Earwax Removal Kit.

At home, Jennifer helped me administer the solution and the rubber bulb syringe handily emptied my ears of their offending wax buildup with a little warm water. So, I didn’t have to make an appointment, sit in a waiting room, reading an expired magazine, and get probed in a cold office. The kit is a much gentler treatment than an industrial ear syringe, so it’s a more comfortable experience. All this, and the removal kit is about half of my insurance copay!

Over the last few days, my ears have been feeling a little yucky. Many times, they’ll clear themselves up. But this morning, I woke up with my left ear completely plugged. So, I dragged out the kit and attempted to blow out both ears. Lots of material came out of my right ear, and it feels quite clean now. Much material came out of my left ear, but it still felt plugged. The kit says that it can be used twice a day for four days, so I tried it again around lunch time. Again, lots of junk came out, but my ear still feels plugged. Granted, the little rubber bulb syringe doesn’t have the oomph of the pro version, and it may take a few attempts to get it right. Which sucks now, but there are people in the world with bigger problems, so you won’t catch me whining too loudly about it.

UPDATE – Last night, I was able to clear out my left ear and now I can tell how limited my hearing is in my right ear. I thought that I was working with only one ear when it turns out that I was working with half an ear!

I looked for the picture she took of the two cameras, but it appears that she hasn’t yet loaded it on the server. We may have to put out a formal request for her to post said picture. Jennifer? We’re talking about you!

Ammo was hard to get.

Few showed up.

The results were great.

We are keeping our fingers crossed that 2014 will be better.

The whole “nobody is trying to take your guns” mantra has always struck me like this:

It has always been so glaringly obvious that they are in fact trying to take away our guns, despite the lies seeping from between their teeth. During the 2008 Presidential Election, I commented to a coworker my concerns over upcoming gun control measures. My coworker shook his head and said, “every time a Democrat gets elected to office the conservatives think they’re going to ban guns.” And where would we ever get that idea?

The real question is why do they think we’re so stupid? Don’t run, We are your friends. Nobody is trying to take your guns away. Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes? These are not the droids you’re looking for. We still know alarmingly little about our current sitting president’s history, but we do have a very clear picture of his stance on guns. It was obviously only a matter of time before the administration took on gun control as a pet project. Despite their best efforts, our representatives are actually doing their job and have blocked unsavory and unpopular legislation to limit our rights. Obama has not hidden his disappointment at all and in fact has pouted about the defeat.

But still, nobody is trying to take your guns. Right.

This morning I got a letter in the mail from the OSBI. Surely that couldn’t be in response to my application already! I felt the envelope, and it clearly didn’t contain a renewed permit, but only paper. Surely they didn’t already review my renewal application and find some reason to not issue me a new permit! I don’t know why I get so paranoid when it comes to these dealings. I tenuously opened the letter. It appears to be an auto-generated letter sent to notify me that my permit expires next month and that I should apply for renewal. *head scratch* It seems to me that this would be significantly more useful if they sent them out 90-days prior rather than 30-days prior to expiration, considering that if one waits until the last few weeks, one is pretty well guaranteed to be out of a permit for a while. And, if they’re not going to be any more helpful than that, why even waste the paper and postage? There’s our tax dollars at work. *sigh*

UPDATE – Jennifer tells me that the payments to the state have cleared our account, so apparently they’ve received our applications and have done SOMETHING. I’ll update you when we see permits.

And that was that. It felt as though we’d made a deal with the devil. Just as we had been warned, the others sneered at us.

“It’s just so gross,” I once overheard the other Electra comment one day, “the very thought of one of us married to a Bigfoot.” She said that last word as though it tasted bad. “They sleep together and everything. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.”

I had to note that it made her feel anything. I wondered whether that was specifically what Havoc was afraid of. There were very few creatures like us among the staff, and the vast majority of them were normal humans. From what I could tell, the exceptions were mostly like us; their treatments had failed to wipe their minds, so they were bribed into working for Deep Hawk and intimidated with the thought that they couldn’t rejoin normal society. I itched to get to doing something. I had no idea how long it had been since the last time I’d seen the sun.

Claire and Jovious had come to our training room for some actual instruction that was devoid of the mind and body altering treatments, or the theatrics that we’d seen in the beginning. Jovious and I sat to the side of the room as Claire and Naomi worked. Claire Placed a log on a pedestal and opened a can and began sprinkling it on the floor. The can scattered small pieces of metal. They looked like six-inch sections of piano wire. She sprinkled them in a fifteen foot trail between Naomi and the log. I’d seen her practice this exercise before, but she had gotten a lot faster with it. It no longer took a lot of concentration as it had at first. Once Claire stepped clear, Naomi raised her hands to her sides. Sparks showered from the corners of her eyes as she stared toward the log. Obeying her will, the pieces of wires rose up into the air and aligned themselves into two neat rows that extended from her hands to the log. Her eyes glowed white. The moment the rows of wires touched her fingers, there was a loud crack and a bright spark, and the log ignited.

“Very good,” praised Claire, “now can you put them back into their container?” she joked.

Naomi took a deep breath and scowled. Each wire pivoted until they were all vertical and then they snapped together into a bundle. Naomi whipped her gaze at the can and it slid across the floor to where the wires floated. It then elevated and enveloped the bundle of wires. the fire in Naomi’s eyes faded as she walked up to the can of wires and pulled it out of the air with her hand. She took it to Claire who blinked in disbelief.

“Wow!” she said as she took the can, “I was joking. I didn’t think that was even possible.”

“Don’t mess with me,” warned Naomi playfully, “and don’t ask me to do something unless you mean it.”

“Well,” Claire was visibly flustered now, “let’s call it a day for now.”

“Ssshall we?” projected Jovious.

Claire hit the flaming log with an extinguisher. We took the room as she and Naomi sat down.

“You have gotten very good at invisssibility,” praised Jovious, “today, we will sstart with human dissguissse. When you firsst met me, I dissguisssed myssself as General Havoc.”

“I remember that,” I thought back to him.

“When you get good, you will be able to imperssssonate sssspecific people. However, you will find that one or two formsss will come more naturally and will be easssier to hold for long periodsss. Now, concentrate and envision being ssssmaller, hairlesss, a man.”

I closed my eyes and concentrated. Shorter than six feet. Wearing clothes. Finer hair on the body and some hair on the head. Accessories even. I felt warm. I suspected that my psychic projection was working. My suspicion was verified by a snicker from my wife. Jovious didn’t vocalize very often, but he gurgled in approval. Or, was he laughing at me? I opened my eyes and looked in the full-size mirror that I used for these exercises. It was easier for Sasquatch to see through the psychic disguises, but the projections even worked in a mirror. There before my eyes was a man. He was about four feet tall with a hunched back. He wore very thick glasses that made his eyes look tiny, and a trench coat. On top of his head was a tweed fedora. I reached up and pulled the hat off to find a thin, comb-over. This was not at all what I had in mind. I thought the form that would come naturally might look something like my previous human form.

My surprise must have been obvious to Jovious who assured me, “It iss pretty unpredictable what your mossst natural disssguisse will turn out like.” He chortled.

“But I look stupid,” the voice that came out was shrill and sounded like an old man. This elicited more laughter from Naomi, who was joined this time by Claire.

“Yesssss,” thought Jovious, “and what man would ever guess that sssomeone who lookss as you do would have ssssuch great power as you do?”

I had to admit, the furball had a point, “And I sound stupider than I look!” my voice actually cracked at the end.

Jovious reflected, “Fasscinating! Ssssince Sasquatch do not talk, I did not know how a voicce could be generated in a man disssguisse. It isss a good disssguisse.”

Naomi blurted out, “you look like a moleman!”

“That’s it,” I said as I clamped my eyes closed and tried to force myself into concentration. Maybe I’d forgotten a little too much of what it was like to be a mostly normal human being. Let’s go for something taller than Moleman but shorter than Bigfoot. Muscles and a tan. If I can look however I like, why not live it up? No comb over. It felt like it was working, and I knew something had happened when Naomi howled with laughter. I opened my eyes and heard a baritone voice with an exotic accent say, “Now what is it?”

In the mirror, I saw the man on the cover of every paperback romance novel I’d ever seen a lonely old lady reading. He wore a pair of burmuda shorts with no shirt. The arms and chest were sculpted with the tell-tale signs of a gym and personal trainer. Gold curls of hair rested around the shoulders. “Oh, that’s even worse! I’d rather look like the pigeon feeding Moleman!” Everyone in the room seemed to think this was the most hilarious thing in the world except for me. I released the disguise and melted back into giant ape-man. The others were just beginning to compose themselves when Havoc came through the door.

“Alright you two,” he addressed us, “I think you’re finally ready for a dry run.”

Naomi and I looked at each other inquisitively and looked back to Havoc.

“You’ve been working hard and have learned a lot about your new abilities. I had some of my guys hide an object and I want to see if you can retrieve it.”

I probed Havoc’s mind. His was a little harder to read than many, but still not impossible. I could tell that they had hidden an aluminum briefcase that was marked “PROPERTY OF DEEP HAWK”, but I couldn’t tell where it had been hidden.

“What kind of object?” asked Naomi.

“You’ll have to ask Reid,” he winked at me, “I suspected you’d try to cheat. I don’t know where it is. I specifically had them hide it in a location of their choosing so it wouldn’t be too easy on you.”

“It will still be easy for us,” I confidently announced.

Havoc let out a skeptical guffaw, “whatever. Use your powers. Do whatever you have to do to get the object and bring it back as soon as you can. Step one was to identify what the object in question is, which you’ve already used your powers to determine. Keep it up.”

“Hey,” I asked, “I’ve learned to disguise myself as a human. What’s keeping me from just moving out and living among people?”

“If you can call that human,” Naomi mumbled.

“First of all, even if you could keep up your disguise twenty-four seven, your psychic projections won’t fool a camera,” General Havoc explained, “if you just went out to live somewhere among people, I guarantee you that people would come up with family pictures with Bigfoot walking in the background. Every backup camera on a truck or RV would reveal your true form. Plus, not every person will be fooled by your projections. The disguise works well for short-term stints such as this one, but you can’t live on it by itself. Besides that, what is Naomi supposed to do? She looks more human than you do, but she’s not exactly normal looking anymore.”

I looked at my wife. He was right. With her coal colored eyes and hair in contrast with her vampiric porcelain skin, there was just no way that she was going to blend in with regular people anymore. As Havoc walked us to the door, he offered more advice, “try to avoid people for the most part. Find food and water, and shelter if you need it. At all costs, avoid confrontations.”

“So, we don’t even get supplies?” Naomi asked.

“Only what you have with you now,” said Havoc.

The two of us stepped out the door into the blinding sunlight. We turned back toward the door. Havoc said, “good luck you two.” And at that, he locked the door behind us.

EDMOND, Okla. (AP) — A 2-acre grass fire in Edmond has been extinguished and fire crews said a squirrel may have been behind the blaze.

Source here.

Seriously, guys? I’ve got an eye on you. Squirrel season starts in six days and I’ve got a new bow sling to review.

“Michael,” he said, “are you dual wielding Leathermans?”

“I suppose I am,” I chuckled, “there’s a story about that and I’ll share it with you in a moment.”

Well, inevitable tangents happened, and ultimately I did not explain to Kelly why I had two Leatherman pocket tools in my pocket. But, that’s what the internet is for, am I right? This last Christmas, my father-in-law gave me a Leatherman Sidekick.

This was a nice little multitool with pliers, a locking straight-edge knife blade and locking wood saw blade, as well as a pair of screwdrivers, can/bottle opener, file/small screwdriver, small serrated blade, and a fold-away lanyard loop. This very quickly became my go-to pocket tool, displacing one of my pocket knives as well as the screwdriver set and P38 can opener that had previously lived in my pockets. It went everywhere with me until it disappeared one day. After I had not found it for a couple weeks, I decided to see what was in stock at the local Ace Westlake Hardware store. I had a $5 coupon to the store, so I dropped in to check out their inventory. I wound up purchasing a Leatherman Wingman that was on sale. This unit was very similar to the lost Sidekick.

The two units are built on the same frame, with the same pliers and screwdrivers. The blade on the latter is partially serrated, and it has a pair of spring operated scissors instead of the saw blade. The bottle/can opener and the file are common between the two models, but where the Sidekick has a serrated knife blade, the Wingman has a ‘package opener’ which consists of a protuberance with an inward facing chisel point for cutting tape and straps without being an actual knife blade. I mused to Jennifer that it would be nice to have a unit with the three knife blades, as each one fills a bit of a niche. So, although the replacement was a little different, I began to enjoy having it around; and then of course, you know what happens when you replace something that you have lost.

Having the two side-by-side has been interesting.

The differences were few but significant.

Of course, I was reminded of my earlier conversation with Jenni in which I said that I’d like to have all three knife blades in one unit. I noted that the leftover parts would make a unit that didn’t have a knife blade in it at all but would still have a handful of very useful tools. Apparently, it was time to void some warranties. I took out my torx driver and started swapping parts. The saw blade where the knife belongs functions nearly as though it was meant to be there. The lock doesn’t function quite as intended, but I don’t feel like a lock is necessary on a saw blade anyway. The knife blade where the saw belongs however… it bolted in, and would lock open, but it would not close completely into the handle.

It turns out that the blade stop was bottoming out shallower on this side of the unit than the one where the knife blade is intended to go, and it fit like this:

instead of the way it works in factory format like this:

So, I put a cutting wheel on my little Black & Decker Wizard and ground away a tiny bit of the pocket bottom, like so:

This allowed the blade to sit a little deeper in the pocket, while still retaining the function of the blade stop.

And, that made it so that the blade closes as though the factory intended for it to be there.

Once I had reassembled the cases, they don’t look like they have been tampered with at a glance.

I placed the partial serrated blade for a right thumb open and the straight edge as a lefty opener. I initially had an excuse for this decision, but it escapes me now, so it may have not been as important as it seemed at the time.

So, one of these now has an excess blade and the other has no knife blade at all. If I’m going into a place that disallows knives, I can very honestly claim that it is not at all a knife, and make a strong argument for keeping my multitool on me.