Savory Pie – Not Quite a Recipe


I’ve been meaning to write this up for a while now. For a few years, I’ve been making savory pies for dinner. I made up a duck pie and served it to some North Texas friends, with good reviews. LawDog got a mouth full of it and blurted out, “Oh Gawd that’s good! You made this?” Dorothy Grant asked me for the recipe. Happy to oblige, I assured her that I’d write it up. Then, I sat down to my laptop to do just that, and went blank. Recipe. *tapping fingers on desk* Right. That’s one of those things that tells people the details on how to cook something. Hrrrm.

See, I’m kind of weird. I don’t really do the whole “recipe” thing. Maybe I’ll kind of “follow” a recipe once or twice to figure out how to make something, but then I wind up tailoring it to my taste for subsequent preparations. And, although my savory pies may taste like magic, there’s really nothing magical in the making. Honestly, this whole thing started when we had a bunch of green tomatoes at the end of the season. We didn’t really know what to do with them, and so they became a green tomato pie. since then, pie has become a way to deal with leftovers. It may seem a little gauche to serve your leftovers to your friends and family, but really; I will often prepare more than the three of us can eat in a sitting so I will have materials for a subsequent pie. So, rather than spelling out a recipe here, I’m going to try to explain the science behind the pies in question.

I’ve got a few old Pyrex pie plates. These things are awesome. You can make up a pie, cover it with foil and freeze it. These will go straight from the freezer into the oven without issue. They clean up easily, and store well. When your pie is in the oven, you can see the crust to monitor how done it is. If you don’t have any, you should acquire some. Look for them in junk shops and estate sales, and expect to pay between $.50 and $2.00. If you make your own pie crusts, great. I use the pre-made store bought ones. When the local grocery puts them on sale for under a buck a pair, I usually stock up and put them in the freezer.

The basics of my pies fillings are a mix of meat and starch, in the range between 50/50 to 65/35, the balance going either way, with some kind of binding agent. I have blended the filling all together in the past, but more recently have had great results with layering the starch and meat. If you can butter your Pyrex pie plate and roll out the dough, then this is a cinch. I usually do these two at a time

1 – Prepare the pie plate. Take a stick of butter and tear the paper off one end. Holding the butter stick by the wrapped end, smear it all over the inside of the pie plate until it is thoroughly coated. This does two things. It will act as a release agent so the baked pie slices come out cleanly, and it will help crisp up the crust. Roll out the pie crust and press it into the buttered plate.

2 – Starch layer – I like to use potatoes, but about anything starchy could be used here. about 1.25-pounds of plain, red, boiled and drained potatoes, mostly smashed into the bottom of the crust works great. I usually leave them lumpy, as the texture is nice in a pie, but mash them well enough to eliminate most air space. It never hurts to throw a few pats of butter on top here. You can also blend cheese or other delights into the potato layer. Alternatively, leftover french fries or tater tots are pretty wonderful for this layer. I used to hate leftover french fries until I started doing this. Now I plan to have leftover french fries. I suppose you could use rice or some other starchy agent with similar results, but I haven’t personally strayed much from potatoes on this part.

3 – Meat. This can be just about anything. I’ve used multiple types of beef (brisket, prime rib, pot roast), chicken (fried, boiled, roasted, grilled), pork (pulled, loin), and other things, such as duck and lobster. Tender slabs that are sliced lay into this layer fine. One of my more recent pies was brisket and ham on french fries, and it was amazing. In the case of chicken or duck, I like to pre cook it until it’s largely falling off the bone, and chunk the meat. If it’s leftover fried chicken, just break it up into bite-sized pieces and spread it evenly. Whatever kind of meat you have, lay it onto the starch layer, more or less evenly. Be careful with fowl, as it’s very easy to miss a few bones and have them wind up in the pie. If you have awesome friends like mine, they won’t mind the bones anyway.

4 – Binder – A lot of the time, whatever I’m putting together is chunked in such a way that I lack confidence that the structure will hold together on its own when served. some grated cheese in the mix helps, and adds wonderful flavor to boot! Indeed, a quarter pound of freshly grated parmesan or asiago mixed into the meat adds a lovely zest, and helps the meat to physically hold together. A half pound of grated Jarlsberg makes even the blandest of boiled chicken fit for a king’s appetite. Another great binding agent is egg. With crumbly meat such as pulled pork mixed with an egg or two makes for a delightfully firm slice of pie. With the duck, I spooned the duck fat (liquid freaking gold) off the water and added it to the mix as the primary binder and never looked back.

5 – Top that pie! I top my pies in several ways, depending on my current whim. The store bought crusts come two to a package. Sometimes, I top my pies with the second crust. If you do this, make sure to cut some kind of vent in the top. My mom always cut a “~” kind of mark in her pies, but you can do anything, even “IZ PAH!” as pictured above. Also, drop a few pats of butter on that top crust. When you bake it, the butter will melt into the crust and give it a lovely golden brown, crispy, awesomeness. I’ve been known to weave a bacon mat and top a pie with it. Thick sliced bacon usually comes about twelve or thirteen slices per pound, and a six by six woven bacon mat is awesome for all kinds of culinary tricks. If you cook, but you haven’t played with this, you need to get your butt in the kitchen and do it now! Grated or sliced cheese sometimes makes a good pie topper. Keep in mind that some cheeses tend to melt an get gooey and others will crisp and brown more. It can be good either way, as long as you’re mindful of the end results. Then, there are times that I’ve simply left the pie open on top, as I did with the aforementioned duck pie. That one got topped with freshly ground pepper and Himalayan pink salt.

6 – Store and/or bake. As previously mentioned, I usually make these two at a time, because that’s convenient to how my ingredients come out, most of the time. Your mileage may vary, of course. When I’ve made two, and it’s the three of us eating, I’ll foil cover one and throw it in the freezer for later consumption. The other one goes on the middle oven rack at 350-degrees. Cooking time may vary between a half hour and a full hour. Just keep in mind that pretty much everything inside the pie is pre-cooked. So basically, when the crust is golden brown, and your bacon is done, or your cheese looks the way you want it to, whatever egg is in there is finished, and you’re done. I usually put mine in for a half hour and then monitor it after that. Remember what I said about the Pyrex pie plates? This is where seeing through the pie plate comes in handy. From frozen, take the foil off the pie and put it on the middle oven rack at 450-degrees for a half hour. Then, turn the oven down to 350-degrees and bake as needed. My frozen pies typically take a total of anywhere between one and two hours to get done.

7 – Serve. From fresh or frozen, it’s best to let the pie sit outside the oven and cool for about fifteen minutes. Depending on the size of your pie and the appetite of your crew, you can slice these in quarters, sixths, eighths, or whatever. There were seven of us miscreants, and I sliced the duck pie into eights. I don’t know who got the eighth piece, but somebody went back for seconds. LOL! Season to taste. Sriracha or Louisiana hot sauce see heavy use in my household. A very ripe avacado sliced tops a savory pie nicely too. Other times, I like to eat them without further embellishment. Whatever you don’t immediately eat will store nicely for several days in the refrigerator, and makes awesome subsequent lunches. (Meta leftovers)


If there’s a wrong way to do this, I’m not sure I’ve discovered it yet. Growing up, leftovers were leftovers, and never became anything more interesting. Now, when they’re trying to push leftovers at family gatherings, I get all grabby. The vast majority of our leftovers go into fried rice or pies at this point, which are good enough that I don’t feel ashamed to offer them to friends and family. As I mentioned, I often cook intending to have leftovers for pie filling now. For instance, I roasted the aforementioned duckling until it was medium, cut off the breasts for dinner that night, and continued stewing the rest of it so I could bake it into a couple pies. I used to make leftover fried chicken into chicken salad sandwiches, but it makes amazing pie. Get creative with it!

So, Dorothy, I hope this helps. Kind of recipe but not a recipe, I guess. But yeah, pie is awesome, and more people should be having awesome pie for dinner. If I can help facilitate that, the world will be a happier place. Please do let me know what you come up with in the comment section, and have fun!

And Then, There Was Beer Video

Every year, we receive a care package from with some kind of Christmas goodies in it. This weekend, there was a 12-inch cubic box on our front porch from them. I nudged it out of the way of the door with my toe and noted that it had a bit of heft to it. “I bet it’s a ham,” I remarked to Jennifer.

“What makes you think it’s a ham? Did somebody already talk about theirs on the internet?” she asked

“No,” I replied, “but I’ve seen hams packaged for shipping and that’s what it looks like to me.”

We dragged the package inside and opened it up. Not ham. Inside the box was a brand new .50-cal ammo can (sweet!), two 12-oz bricks of ground coffee from Lock ‘n Load Java, and a pair of Pmugs from Battle Mug. Now, I have long wanted a Battle Mug, but I can’t bring myself to pay the near $200 for the billet aluminum version, and I had no idea they were making a less expensive polymer version.

I sat on the couch with my new Battle Mug, stroking it and murmuring about “The Precioussss.” As one does, we have accumulated a lot of bolt-on parts. It seems you get one gun with a rail on it, and they just start turning up. I was thinking over some of the junk that we’ve wound up with to this end, and what I might be able to attach to this crime against nature. And then, it hit me! We have a quick-disconnect 1/4×25 camera mount! And, I’ve got a 1/4×25 tripod to GoPro mount adapter! Scaring my family with maniacal cackling, I took off down the hall and came back with the necessary pieces to secure my GoPro Hero to the Battle Mug.

“Oh no,” Jennifer sighed as I assembled this stroke of genius insanity. As it turns out, my dad’s birthday was on Sunday, and he wanted to spend it at his favorite German-style beer garden in downtown Oklahoma City.

So, there we were, sitting at our bench when the server approached the table. I picked out a beer and asked her, “can you serve it in this?” As I held up the monstrosity proudly.

“Um…” she seemed skeptical.

“It’s like 25-ounces,” I said, as though that had any bearing.

“No,” she clarified, “I’m sure we can work something out, I just don’t want to break it.”

“Oh, you can’t break it,” I assured her, “they throw these things out of airplanes and stuff.”

Indeed, the beer cam was quite the hit. It was a great conversation starter and overall good time. And as promised, beer video:

Note to FCC: None of this stuff was given in return for any kind of review.

I Guess It’s Finally Winter

It’s 34-degrees out there. There’s mixed sleet, freezing rain, and the occasional flake coming down. We had no plans to shop Black Friday. So, we went to the YMCA to swim for a while. And then, in 34-degree winter mix, I went into the liquor store in a Speedo swimsuit. In all fairness, it’s really Speedo-branded boardshorts. And, I was also wearing a long sleeve shirt, fleece vest, and a jacket. But, it makes for a good story anyway. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Kel Tec P-3AT the be-all, end-all test Part II

If you haven’t already, you can read part one here.

This is the first gun that I’ve ever kept a round count on. It’s neat to have documentation that we have put exactly 725-rounds through this little pistol. I kind of wish I’d kept track of how much ammunition I’ve put through some of my other guns. Granted, judging by its condition alone, the M&P .38 special has been shot about a billion times. You’d swear that three quarters of the lead that exists on the planet has been down that bore twice. But, I’d love to be able to authoritatively say how many rounds I’ve put through my S&W 29, or my Winchester 1300, for that matter. It’s been a fun journey regardless.

I wanted to post something on this last week, but I didn’t really have anything to say. The initial range session for this test was just so routinely boring that it would have been the shortest blog post ever. As I wrote in my previous post, when we first shot the gun, I had not even cleaned it, and we put 125-rounds through it. It was still relatively clean after that, but I at least wanted to get the manufacturer’s preservative out of it and give it a little lube, no deep scrubbing necessary. I field stripped the little gun and blasted it out with some Birchwood Casey Gun Scrubber and hit the moving parts with some Otis Bio CLP. I racked the slide a few times and dry fired it a few times to get the CLP in the works. I also used the Gun Scrubber to rinse out my three magazines.

To prepare for the test, I numbered the magazines “1,” “2,” and “3” with a silver Sharpie and scotch taped over the numbers to keep them from rubbing off. I figured we would try to evenly rotate them, and if we started having consistent problems with one of the magazines, we would know to take it out of the rotation. I set up a detailed spread sheet where I could record data – round count, who was shooting, magazine number, ammunition box number, and potential failures.

On Sunday, November 15, we took the gun out to the family farm with some steel targets and clays. Over the course of an hour or so, we put 200-rounds of Magtech (95-gr, FMJ 951-fps) down range with no incidents to note. I shot the initial 150-rounds and Jennifer shot the 50 remaining. It shot flawlessly for both of us. I offered to let Isaac try it again, but he declined. It was nice to get out to the farm at least, and it was a fun range session. I then stripped it for inspection. There was slight wear in the finish on the rails, but nothing else noteworthy. So, I reloaded it with My Hornady Critical Defense and put it back in my holster. Really the most interesting thing that happened was that I got a bloody sore on my trigger finger from where the trigger guard had pounded on it during the range session. Pro tip – if you’re going to pack a Kel Tec, it might not hurt to take some emory cloth to the inside of the trigger guard to smooth it out. Your mileage, of course, may vary.

On Saturday, November 21, we took it to one of the local indoor ranges. this time, we preemptively applied 3M Nexcare foam bandages to our fingers where they’d previously been chewed on by the trigger guard, for a little protection. In this session, the three of us managed to put 350-rounds of Magtech through the little gun. With the gun running like the Little Engine That Could, just imagine how excited I was when we had our first failure at the 421-round mark! I pulled the trigger and got an unexpected “click.” Of course, I unloaded the gun and cleared the spent brass out of the chamber. It was evidently a failure to eject. The good news is that I had my GoPro taking close-up video at 240-frames per second in 720p. The bad news is that it was a lot darker in the range than I realized, so the video came out pretty grainy. Still, we’ll take a look at that later for analysis.

Of course, a failure to eject could be the fault of the gun, the shooter, or the ammunition. By that point in the range session, I was starting to fatigue, although my grip looks pretty steady in the slow-motion video. Jennifer and I are wondering if there’s a perceivable difference in the muzzle flash on the offending round in our high-speed video, which could but would not necessarily indicate an undercharged cartridge. As I wrote above, we’ll take a closer look at that later. Regardless, other than the one failure to eject, this little pistol has run 550-rounds of ammunition flawlessly since I cleaned and lubed it. Subsequent inspection was yawn-inducing, as the gun seems to be in perfect condition outside of carbon build up.

When I first put out the feelers to find a company to sponsor this test, I actually reached out to Kel Tec directly, who didn’t respond to my messages. I found that to be rather damning. It’s one thing that they put a lifetime warranty on their products, but if they won’t even answer a proposal on this kind of test, it does beg the question as to how confident they are in product durability. That being said, I could not be any happier with this gun thus far. It has rewarded me with reliability, durability, and shootability beyond my most optimistic imagination. If by the end of this test, I break it beyond repair, I would gladly pay the ~$250 these guns command for a replacement.

As a side note, This Magtech ammunition has been as clean shooting and as consistent as I hoped it would be. If you haven’t tried it before, and if you need some good plinking ammo, you should check it out! Again, I’d like to give a shout out to Ammunition to Go, who made all this possible with the ammunition donation. When you’re shopping ammo, please do keep them in mind for your needs. They didn’t pay me for a good review, but donating the ammo isn’t the first pleasant experience I’ve had dealing with them.

So, we’re a little over a quarter of the way through the test, and all is well. 550-rounds down and 1,450 to go! If we make it to the 2,000-round mark and the gun is still running strong, I’m thinking of continuing with some different ammo. I have more of the Hornady Critical Defense that I’d like to shoot into water jugs as well as some frangible ball ammo, and another 100-rounds from Richardson Reloading. Although his loads seemed to be a little light for this gun initially, it will be interesting to see if they play nicer together after this much of a break-in.

Kilted To Kick Cancer, Doubling Down

Okay, people. We’ve just passed the half-way point on KTKC 2015 and I can’t tell that I’ve received any donations yet. We have to do better on this. I don’t have a bunch of crap to give away for donations this year. However, let’s take a good look at the cause in question. Statistically, one in 38 men will die of prostate cancer. Your donations will reduce this number. Therefore, I will match, dollar for dollar, your donations up to $1,000. Once we cross that mark, we’ll talk again. So basically, you could donate $5 through one of the other teams to get a slim chance at winning some toy, or your $5 could donate $10 to the goal. As a bonus, here’s Jennifer shooting a 50-cal in a vinyl catsuit:

Donate at this link. Please note on your donation that you’re donating for Team Hast. Thanks in advance! As an added bonus, here’s another quick video:

Thanks again. Donate and get checked.

Why couldn’t I just be happy with the way things were?

Probably ten years ago, give or take, I bought an RCA tube TV at a garage sale. It’s something like a 27 or 29-inch screen, and it was ten bucks. I thought it would go great in our little bedroom, on top of the dresser, right next to our 30-gallon fish tank. For the first couple of years, we’d watch Adult Swim every once in a great while, but evantually the TV wound up forgotten, simply gathering dust on the dresser. We cancelled the cable, never bothered to get converter boxes when everything went digital, and it was utterly useless at that point. But still, I didn’t want to bother dealing with it at the time.

Fast forward to sometime last year, when I picked up a second Wii. I had the brilliant idea to install Amazon Prime Instant Video on the Wii and plug it into that TV. Between Prime, web browser, and YouTube, that little TV essentially became a smart TV, and earned a new lease on life. We’ve thoroughly enjoyed streaming shows on that set when we want to be a little cozier than the living room. Still, I thought that I’d like to get us something with a little better picture (still standard definition is fine for in there), and the speakers on that RCA are pretty atrocious. I’d go to stream music on the Wii and Jennifer would complain until I quit.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I was at one of the local thrift shops, and they had a very attractive Sony Trinitron XBR. This was a late nineties model, and arguably one of the better standard-def tube TVs ever made. The folks in our retro gaming group are always on the lookout for such things for that reason. I took a phone pic of the beast and posted it to the FaceBook group wall with location and price. I thought for sure someone would jump on that, but a week later, I saw the same set in that store again. Then I started thinking outloud.

“That Trinitron is kind of tempting,” I would muse to Jennifer. “I hope someone gets that TV. That’s a nice set if that’s the format you’re looking for,” I’d say. “If it was a little cheaper, I’d be tempted to get it myself. It would go great in our bedroom.” At this point, I should have decided that the old RCA was good enough, or simply take the drive to the local Best Buy and ask what they had in a 36-inch. But no. I kept thinking about the stupid Trinitron.

Fast forward to yesterday. I wandered into the same thrift shop, and there that stupid TV sat, whispering my name for some stupid reason. Forty bucks. If it wasn’t such a pain in the butt to move big sets or if the price was lower, I might just go for it. Still, I asked the little check out gal if they’d drop the price on a TV if it sat in the store for long enough. Another employee must have heard me from the next room, where she pounced through the doorway to inject herself in the conversation, “you want a TV? We have TVs coming out our ears here. I’ll make you a deal on a TV. Which one are you interested in?” I told her that I might be interested in the Trinitron. “This one here? Twenty bucks and it’s yours today.” I explained that I’d have to come back for it, since my wife had taken the truck to work so I could take the car to the muffler shop. “Thats fine,” she insisted, “we’ll put your name on it and it will be here when you get back.” So, like a moron, I paid my $20, and drove the curiously quiet Tactical Assault Compact Sedan to Jennifer’s office to swap her for the truck.

They were waiting for me at the thrift store. That same woman grabbed a piano dolly and helped me hoist that set into the back of the truck, which responded by dropping about three inches on its springs. Noticing the way that big TV ominously made the truck looked smaller made my heart sink a little bit. Gah. It didn’t look that big in the store. It was heavy too. Probably about two-fifty. That scrawny little lady at the thrift shop didn’t have any problem horking it up into the truck though. She was certainly stronger than she looked. But, surely between my teenage son and I, we could have that thing in place, hooked up, and ready to watch Justified on Amazon by the time Jennifer got home. Right? Right? On the drive home, all I could see in the mirror was that hulking beast. Was it actually getting bigger?

My son has gotten a lot stronger than he used to be. He’s constantly reminding me that he’s taller than I am, and his voice has gotten deep and round. To his credit, he was able to help me get the TV out of the truck and onto the front porch. And, that’s about when he petered out on me. That TV looked even bigger on the porch. It was lunch time, so I figured we’d get some protein in him, and he’d be good to go, like Popeye and spinach. We tried. We really did. I cleared off the top of the dresser and made arrangements for the RCA. A 36-inch really isn’t all that much bigger than a 27-inch, is it? Still, I wanted plenty of space to work with. When it was clear that my son was not quite up to the challenge of moving the big set, I told him that we’d wait until his mom was home, and they could get the one end, and I’d get the other. After all, it’s not like anyone was going to walk away with it. When I moved the RCA out, I set it on the front porch to stage it for when its new owner came to pick it up. Seeing them side by side, that Trinitron absolutely dwarfed the RCA. My heart sank a little more.

Jennifer got home from work, and I told her my plan. Her response was only slightly more polite than, “hahahahhahaahahaa. No.” Now Jennifer, who is an easy to get along with trooper, started brainstorming alternate plans. “We really need a dolly,” she suggested. We tried to think of who we know that might have a piano dolly that we could borrow, which is really ironic, as my dad used to work on pianos, including moving them. But, last time I saw his dolly, it was pretty much worn out, and that’s been so long ago, I’m no longer confident he even still has it. Jennifer thoughtfully broke the silence that had settled, as we scratched our heads over our current, bewildering, and self-made problem, “would your mechanic’s creeper hold that much weight?”

“Well sure,” I answered, “it’s intended to scoot around with the weight of a grown man on it.” And as I thought about it, all the lights came on, “that’s perfect in fact!” I retrieved my creeper from the garage, and tilted the TV so Jennifer could slide it under. It didn’t roll perfectly, but we weren’t going very far. It was all going notably smoothly up until we made it to the threshold of the bedroom, where the carpet began. The creeper was not going to roll into our bedroom. Which was a bit of a moot issue, as there’s no way the set would physically fit between the queen-size waterbed and its surrounding furniture and walls. I knew that Teen Bot had just almost enough steam to manhandle this thing, and I knew that I could handle the other end, and we didn’t have far to go now. Jennifer and I decided that the two of them could take the one end as long as it was only the shot from the hall to the bed. If we got it to the bed, we could kind of walk it around the bed rails to the far side where the dresser waited its arrival.

The three of us were able to get it lifted into the air, and that’s about when kiddo started to give out again. His corner of the set started slowly sinking, with it positioned diagonally, mostly in the hall, in time with his gasping. my bottom left corner lodged against the door trim, his top corner gouged its way into the sheet rock on the other side of the hall, everything broke out in chaos, and the TV hung there, pinned between the walls. And again, the thought occurred to me, that I should have just gone and bought a new flat screen in the first place. Once we managed to extricate the set from where it was jammed (quite comically, I might add) against the walls, it was again clear that this plan need another adjustment.

“Ok,” I said authoritatively, “we need to think. And there’s whiskey in the kitchen.” Whiskey brain storming led to us putting the creeper back under the TV, but with the set hanging off the end. That would buy us a few more inches. We were going to win this thing, one way or another, even if that meant fighting for each baby step of the journey. When the wheels bottomed out against the carpet once again, as Jennifer began to say, “what now?” I grabbed the TV and dragged it off the creeper, sliding it onto the bedroom floor. Now, sitting beside the bed, it once again begged the question, “now what?”

Jennifer got the bright idea that if we tilted it up again, we could cram our Halliburton Zero suitcase underneath it, and when boosted that much, we could probably lift it the final few inches to the bed rail. “If it’s stupid but it works, it’s not stupid,” I said, or something like that anyway. I tilted up the set, Jennifer crammed the Zero under it, and pushed as I rocked the TV back down. It worked like a charm. From there, we were indeed able to boost the TV onto the bed rail. Then, moving some six-inches at a time, we walked the thing around the perimeter of the bed, until it was directly in front of the dresser.

Exhausted, sweating, and panting, we looked at each other over the great expanse of that stupid TV. “I’m not sure I can lift anymore,” Jennifer said, as we steadied the Trinitron, perched on the rail of the water bed. I looked down at the situation. This thing was absolutely massive. What ever made me think that this would go over well? Just look at the sheer size of this stupid TV set! Why, it’s bigger than the expanse between the bed and the dresser! And then, it hit me.

“No, let’s do this the easy way,” I said. “You can be done lifting. Would you please just watch that corner and make sure it stays planted on the bed rail?” I pivoted my side of the TV onto the dresser and then kind of scooted it up onto the dresser from there. I had to kind of hug it across the front to work it in. When I came away, I had to laugh, seeing where the screen was fogged up from my chest. Of course, we had to catch our breath, and have more whiskey.

The rest of the story is that I managed to get the Wii and DVD player hooked up. The picture on this TV is enough better than the RCA that at first we were wondering if our color settings were off. The improvement in sound is night and day. Last night we played music through the Trinitron and probably kept ourselves up too late. I will concede that this was probably not the best way to upgrade our bedroom TV, but we’re both happy with the results. Well, except for the muscle soreness, the damaged sheetrock, and as Jennifer told me in an email earlier, “I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.” Even so, all’s well that ends well.

Happy Birthday Jennifer!

One of Jennifer’s gags for years now is that she wanted to get a personal birthday greeting from “Weird Al” Yankovic, since they share a common birth date. This year, I rolled up my sleeves and reached out to the musician, explaining the situation and asked if he could help me out. What should come in the mail today?



It may be a little late, but it still counts, right? So, what do you want for Christmas, Jennifer? *cracks knuckles* A unicorn? The Hope Diamond? Your own private island?

Kilted To Kick Cancer 2014

Since we’re half way through September and this is the first I’ve mentioned it, it’s probably clear and obvious that I didn’t get into hard participation this year. Suffice it to say that I have been wearing my kilt, and telling curious bystanders about the campaign, but I didn’t sign up for a donation team this year. Please don’t think for one minute that I’m not supporting this cause. On the contrary, my son has family history of prostate cancer on both sides, and I want this thing fixed before he’s old enough to worry about it. Take a minute and watch this video that he and I made, discussing KTKC:

Those wooden roller coasters are bumpy! Yes, we are on a roller coaster in that video, and yes, I was wearing my 5.11 Tactical Duty Kilt. Some of the teams this year are pretty special friends of mine. I was going to post recommendations on whose team to donate through, but it’s ultimately all going to the same great cause, and all of these guys are working hard toward it. So, get kilted, get checked, and make your donations here.

Guns, Games, and… …Misogyny?

My attention was recently brought to one Anita Sarkeesian. Thank you, JB! She’s a YouTube personality, a video gamer, and apparently a vocal feminist. Watch her whole video if you care to, but this link should take you straight to the money line. In case you don’t feel like clicking over, allow me to quote Miss Sarkeesian:

The belief that women are somehow a naturally weaker gender is a deeply engrained, socially constructed myth, which of course is completely false.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHA! I like her. She’s funny. Did you catch that, Jennifer? You have no excuses anymore. That I can do more sit-ups or push-ups than you is not actually a fact, but merely a social construct. You can’t draw my bow? Not so, that’s a myth! And, if I’m carrying more firewood than you? The idea that you can’t carry as much is completely false. In fact, when they’ve had to dumb down the standards for a woman to get into the military, that’s just the patriarchy in action. Granted, I’ve met a few gals that could mop the floor with my happy ass same as I’ve met a few guys that my lovely and girly wife could pound into hamburger meat, but these are the exceptions to the overarching rule that men are naturally stronger than women. Attempting to relabel that fact as a “socially constructed myth” simply does not make it not so.

I don’t want to be too hard on Sarkeesian because between her platitudes and stale talking points she does manage a couple of valid points, and every now and then even teases at even-handedness. However, one could probably make a blogging career tearing apart her screeds line by line. Without doing a full analysis of all her videos, I’ll spitball a summary and call her one of the tragic cases that could be quite the powerful egalitarian if she’d simply drop the stale talking points, buzzwords, and made up BS that’s so popular among modern feminism. Men and women are in fact different and that’s okay. It doesn’t make girls better than boys or boys better than girls. If I thought that women were inferior, I wouldn’t have married one. In fact, women have great power that they derive from sources other than their physical strength. And, I do love me some powerful women!

In the dating world, the shrinking violets never really kept my interest. It sounds mean for me to say that I got bored of them, but facts are facts. One of the big reasons that I was attracted to Jennifer in the first place, and one of the reasons that it’s been working so well for like seventeen years now and I’m still attracted to her is that she’s a powerful woman. Indeed, I’ve been known to say that when the zombies come, I would prefer to be back to back with her over anyone else. In the above linked video, Sarkeesian bitches about the recurring theme of the damsel in distress in video games. Let’s be real though. We men have an inborn desire to save the girl, stemming from eons ago in less civilized times when it was necessary for the survival of the species for the stronger to protect the weaker, and video game designers have been cashing in on that survival drive since there have been video games. Cheap trick? Perhaps. If you dramatized my life into a game, sometimes I’d save Jennifer but other times she’d save me. Most of the time, we’d be working through our challenges together. The thing is, video games aren’t supposed to be realistic. Games play off of fantasy because mundane games would be boring. If you don’t believe me, click that last link and I dare you to enjoy.