KTKC 2013 Day 30

Unless you have been living under a rock, or you got here on a Google search for hot Japanese squid porn, because I just incorporated that phrase, you know that this month I have been Kilted to Kick Cancer. Again, I want to give huge thanks to all of you who have made donations to the cause. Here’s a picture of me playing a Native American flute.

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As I said in some previous post that I’m not going to link back to right now, in years prior, I have succumbed to the temptation to find an excuse not to wear the kilt during this magical time. Not so this year! Although I have worn leggings under my kilt for parasite protection in the field on two occasions, I have not worn a pair of pants. Unless you count this picture where I show how much weight you too can lose by simply wearing a kilt:

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But, I didn’t so much wear them as crawled into them and peek out the top. And in all fairness, I was wearing my kilt under the jeans when the photo was taken. But, my point is that I have been wearing a kilt. All. Month. Long. Ask the other participants if they have completely abstained from pants this month. I severely doubt it. Last I looked, I’m pretty sure I was in seventh place. I wonder if any of the six guys ahead of me has worn a kilt at the absolute exclusion of pants since the month of August. This is why you should be sending your money through my account. Well, that and this hunter safety orange head tube that I arranged on Teen Bot like a balaclava:

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As of this writing, we have nine hours until the close of KTKC. In previous years, it has really come down to the last minute on who took the most for the cause. I know that budgets have been tight this year. I also know that a lot of people get paid on Monday. So help a brother out! To entice you, here’s a pic of me doing my best Captain Morgan impression:

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Your guess is as good as mine as to whether I’d had more to drink than the photographer. I think we can agree that there have been some pretty good pictures this year. Truth be told, I’m looking forward to getting back into my pants. Tomorrow, I plan on wearing a pair of Wranglers. On Sunday, I’ll wear an Armani suit. But, until I shed my clothing to crawl into bed and go to sleep tonight, I will be wearing my 5.11 TDK. Please keep that in mind this afternoon and this evening. I will be kilted for the remainder of the month, as I have been for the entire month thus far. When you think of this, think of male cancers. It’s not to late to contribute. Please consider throwing some bucks at the cause for me. Thanks again.

KTKC 2013 Day 27, Recap from Yesterday

As you all know by now, the least sane of us have been kilted this month to raise awareness about male specific cancers, and to seek sponsorship in the endeavor to benefit related charities. Please feel free to throw some bucks at my Prostate Cancer Foundation page.

Sometime last week, we ran out of paycheck at the end of the bills. This happens more often in September than any other time of the year. Especially when we just upgraded phones. And, accidentally lost $500 to an embarrassing clerical error. Oops. On Wednesday, we ran out of coffee. Yesterday, I decided to use Coca Cola as my caffeine delivery system, but my body wasn’t having any of that nonsense.

For a while, my uncle was brewing green coffee, as he had read that it was the new, popular ‘superfood’ that would cure all that ails you. He got tired of drinking green coffee and gave me half a bag of green Brazilian santos that he no longer had any use for. Last summer was entirely too hot to roast coffee, as is produces entirely too much smoke to roast indoors, and consequently I still have quite a bit of this hanging around. So, yesterday, I dug out the roaster that I made out of a popcorn popper and a grill thermometer, and threw a pound of green santos in it on the grill’s side burner.

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Once the beans achieved the proper color, aroma, and sound, they went into the colander to remove the chaff.

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Update – sorry. I got twitchy on my publish button, apparently.

While the coffee beans were cooling, Jennifer and I put together a couple of smoked tri tip roast quiches with home grown parsnips, onions, and basil, topped with white cheddar. We baked one for dinner and threw the other in the freezer for next time. Over dinner we watched classic Doctor Who with Teen Bot. After Teen Bot went to bed, we pickled up jalapeƱo hybrids* and pear tomatoes from our garden with some garlic chunks. Although I’m a little disappointed at the anemic production of our garden over the last few years, yesterday reminds me that we really are producing quite a bit of our own stuff. As we sat and relaxed before bed, I commented that I wish my shoulder wasn’t bothering me so much because I’d like to get that couch cushion stitched shut finally.

Again, please do consider sponsoring me in this year’s KTKC drive. You can donate here. We only have three more days to go!

*Having planted our peppers too close together this year, they apparently cross-pollinated. Our best guess is that our jalapeƱos crossed with our habaneros, or possibly some kind of demon. They are bright red and wicked hot.

KTKC Day 24 – Goofing, Good Company, and Bad Jokes

There were two clouds high in the sky, just floating there and watching a more boisterous cloud lower in the sky. They watched it float this way and that, dart around, roll, and change shape.
Finally the one cloud said to the other, “He sure is nimbus, isn’t he?”
The other cloud groaned at the terrible pun and said, “Dude, are you cirrus?”

Yeah. I made that one up. Thank you. I’ll be here all week. So anyway, we made it out to the farm again on Saturday. Here is a game camera pic of the three of us with Mz. VRWC, who dropped in on us from out of town:

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And, Jennifer managed to catch me goofing off in front of her camera. If you can imagine that.

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Dance, dance, fashion, baby. Work it, move that thing, crazy. But, not all the kilted pics are of me goofing off.

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Alright, that one is actually from last week. And, maybe I was goofing off for most of this weeks pics.

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And just for funz, here’s an almost nightmarish game camera pic of Jennifer apparently getting ready for her impending machete massacre.

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There are reasons I want her at my back for the zombie apocalypse. So, we’re now well into the final week of KTKC 2013, and the donation totals are honestly looking pretty sad right now. Before I go any further, I want to send out a *huge* thanks to the few of you who have made donations to date. To the rest of you, come on, don’t make me call you bitches! You can’t let me finish this deal in seventh place! The KTKC crew is cumulatively not doing as well as we had hoped, but my recorded total is under $300 right now. Please don’t let it end like this. Hit the link and give to the cause as you can. I know that I originally set the donation goal unrealistically high, and I didn’t really expect to drag in totals like that, but I absolutely expected to top last year’s total of $2,263, at the very least. But, we’re not done yet. As long as you get your donations in by Monday, we can still do this. Again, here’s the link. Let’s kick cancer together!

KTKC 2013 – Day 16 – Hunting and Scouting

Click here to donate to my KTKC fund.

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Deer Archery season starts on October 1, along with Fall Turkey and Rabbit season. Squirrels are in season currently. Jennifer and I decided to do some pre-season scouting on Saturday. We stopped at Tractor Supply to buy some salt licks for the deer. It’s a little late in the season for this, and the bucks have long since eaten the last mineral lick as their antlers have grown in this spring and summer. A four-pound mineral lick, about the size of a brick, costs around $5 at the local sporting goods store. By comparison, a fifty-pound block is about the same price at Tractor Supply. They had a few variations, so I got a plain white block, a sulfur block, and a trace mineral block. We shall see what the deer like the most.

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I put small game heads on my arrows, in case we crossed paths with any squirrels, and finally got to try my bow sling that Tanner Hann from Slogan Outdoors hooked me up with.* I may have to write a fuller review of this excellent product, but I thought I would mention it here.

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From the pictures we collected on the game camera, it looks like the deer herd is at least twice as big as it was last year, with several bucks, quite a few does, and a couple of fawns and yearlings.

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If I understand correctly, we’re going to want to cull out a buck or two to keep the male to female proportion properly balanced. Here’s the young one that looks like good stock to leave for next year:

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It’s so funny how they sometimes seem to pose for the camera.

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Of course, there are babies.

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Daaawwwww! Almost too cute to eat!

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And, one gregarious turkey.

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Last year and the year before, I may have fudged the kilt thing once or twice. This year, I’ve made a hard and fast commitment to not wear pants for the month.

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In the spring, the ticks and poison ivy were so bad that there was no way I was going out with uncovered skin. So, I donned my black leggings under my 5.11 TDK and combat boots. This had mixed results. My cousins had mowed and baled in the west field, but it’s been so rainy that the grass has grown up tall and thick again.

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Much of the grass is actually taller than the round bales at this point. And, the stickers are terrible this year.

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Jennifer and I picked no fewer than a jillion stickers out of our clothing. Incidentally, they stick really well to leggings under a kilt.

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The golden orb weavers have been prolific this year, guarding their distinctive webs with the Jacob’s Ladder zig-zag up the center.

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We’re also seeing a whole lot more thistles than in previous years. They were in full bloom this weekend.

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We spotted this on the ground. Does that look like a pheasant feather to you?

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I hadn’t ever seen pheasants on the property, but I wouldn’t rule it out completely. Overall, I’d say it was a good trip, and I’m feeling quite optimistic for deer season here in a couple of weeks.

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The Slogan Outdoor sling performed exactly as I have wished for a bow sling. It was comfortable and secure for all of our hiking. The stabilizer fell off my bow at some point in time. I knew that the chances of finding it in the grass were slim to none, so I ordered a replacement on Amazon.

Again, please do support me on the Kilted To Kick Cancer drive to fight male-specific cancers. Click here to donate. And, huge thanks to those of you who have already so generously donated!

*Tanner at Slogan provided the sling at no cost, for the purpose of review.

Answers When Someone Asks What’s Under The Kilt…

We’re in Day 5 of KTKC, and I was going to upload some pics for you. But, the internet connection speed sucks around here today. So, no pics. I’ll try to make it up to you later. Please do donate to the cause, and here is a list of fun things to say to those who have the gall to ask about the underwear situation with a kilt.

Nothing is worn, everything is in perfect working order.
No underwear. Thought it was such a nice day I’d take the boys our for a walk
My back-up claymore.
A second, even smaller kilt.
Just my friend, and his buddies who are a couple of nuts!
A few English peasant girls.
At the moment, grass. Soon there will be pavement.
The “usual.”
All the nasty stories you can only read about on the internet.
String. I kind of had to tie it up so it didn’t hang below the kilt.
Good thing I got a clean shave. Want to see?
It’s the smallest airport in the world…..2 hangars and a night fighter.
Good girls don’t ask and bad girls just check for themselves.
Latex. (keep them guessing)
FREEDOM!
Haggis.
A katana. Didn’t you see “The Highlander?”
Nothing but lipstick.
The emperor’s new underwear.
The loch ness monster.
Why, Did something fall off?
If you don’t know by now, what’s the use of me telling you?
A lacy, pink thong with cute little bows.
Same as you’ve got under your hat.
A lady doesn’t ask and a gentleman doesn’t tell!
Socks and boots.
The future of Scotland.
My feet.
If you were man enough to wear a kilt, what would you wear under it?
Can you keep a secret? Yeah, so can I.
Why would you ask anyone about their underwear?
Got warm hands?
Answers are free, demonstrations are gonna cost you.
Depends… not the adult diapers, but on the situation.
I killed the last man who asked me that question.
Just what God graced me with.
What’s under your pants/dress/skirt?
Usually it’s the ladies who ask that question.. you know I’m straight, right buddy?
How badly do you want to know?
You guess!
A blue ribbon.

I hope you found these amusing. Of course, nobody is laughing at prostate or testicular cancer. Again, I would greatly appreciate it if you could spare a little for KTKC. Thanks!

p.s. – My connection is so bad right now that I can’t even preview any of this. So, if something is broken, I apologize in advance.

KTKC 2013, Day 3

Please go here and donate to the cause. You probably all know that this month I will be wearing a kilt to help raise funding and awareness for male-specific cancers. In 2011, the first year for KTKC, my efforts raised $60 toward the cause. Last year, my total came in at $2,263. That is nearly thirty-eight times the previous year’s performance! If we could realize another gain proportional to that, it would put the donations at $85,352.82 this year. Even as awesome as you people are, I’m just not holding my breath on that.

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Honestly, if we can expect anything remotely resembling the same increase from last year to this year, there’s no reason that we can’t hit that $50,000 group goal. Therefore, I’ve set my personal goal at $50,000. Frankly, if we can do half of that, I’m going to be really proud of you all. If you help me make that $50,000 goal and I still don’t finish in the top three, even better yet. Again, please make your donations here. Thanks in advance!

Erin’s Big Day

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Many of you have probably by now learned Erin’s long-standing secret. If not, I would rather you read it in her words than to give it away here. I’ve known about Erin’s situation for a bit now. We had started to chat online and had gotten to be friends. One day, she said that she had something that she wanted to talk to me about that she was nervous about. When she did her big reveal, I remember asking what else she had for me. But that was it. I was a little surprised that she’d gotten so worked up about telling me. I told her that I didn’t think that her differences were such a big deal. Really, I felt bad for her that she thought I might reject her for it.

I don’t think of myself as politically correct in the least nor particularly tolerant, but I just didn’t see Erin’s big secret as… …well… …all that big a secret. And, it isn’t. There have been several occasions that I thought she was going to blow her secret and regret it after the fact. I remember one evening in IRC in particular when she kept dropping hints in the room. I just knew she was going to do it. I felt like I was running both sides, hitting up Erin in a back channel to say, “don’t do anything you’ll regret tomorrow!” and hitting the main room to announce something along the lines of, “Erin is my friend and I’m standing with her.” So, although I do feel for Erin’s inevitable and obvious discomfort for her current situation, I’m actually a little relieved that it’s all out in the open now. I hope and I do believe that this will prove to be positive for Erin. And, as I said before, I’ll stand with my friend Erin. She’s still the little sis that we have known.

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My Videos, Let Me Show You Them.

This is a video that I put together from a lot (read hours) of swimming and diving footage that I took this summer. Please do give it a watch and let me know what you think of it.

As you may remember, the last two Septembers, I participated in Kilted To Kick Cancer. I will again be participating this year. Last year’s project made it possible to shoot these videos that I find hilarious, even if they were not widely watched. When you get a minute, please do.

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And, I shall also remind you that last years donations to my KTKC effort made Jennifer and me fulfill our promise to make this very special video. I will point out that my YouTube channel has had 28,936 total views, and this video alone has 26,157. So basically, it makes up over 90% of my traffic on YouTube!

Yes, I embedded the video yesterday. Yes, I mention it and link to it again today. See kids, starting Monday, I’m going to be wearing a kilt every day for thirty days. I’m doing this to solicit donations to benefit male-specific cancers. I’ll have all the info on how you can participate soon. Also, there will be dares, bets, challenges, and thrown gauntlets. We’ll probably have some special offers here, and Jennifer and I will be hearing requests for crazy stuff we can do to earn your donations. I’m not sure what that will look like as we were pushing some personal boundaries with that aforementioned video last year. But, if you have any great ideas, shoot us an email or drop it in a comment somewhere. And please do let me know how you like my videos!

An Open Letter to Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley,

Can I call you ‘Miley’? Great. I don’t watch TV, but after all the hullabaloo that I saw on the internet about your *ahem* performance at the VMAs, I had to check out a recording to see what the big deal was all about. I was previously aware of your recent antics, since I attempt to keep a finger on the pulse of the entertainment industry. I don’t want to wake up one day and find myself as one of those old guys who is absolutely out of touch with the current culture. I have not exactly been in approval of your approach before now, but you really crossed the line on Sunday.

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Why does this face look so familiar?

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It may be cute when my dog’s tongue is hanging out of her mouth, but it is not cute when you do it. And, I understand that sex sells. I really don’t have a problem with sex appeal in the entertainment industry. It’s been done for centuries. What I do have a problem with is soft core porn being peddled as family entertainment. When Stefani Germanotta paints on a scant outfit and makes a spectacle of herself as Lady Gaga, there is artistic value in it. Even at her most salacious, she retains a defined level of class. She incorporates elaborate dance routines with choreography, dazzling color, and many other elements that are not at all sexual in nature. On the other hand, when you get as close to naked as you legally can and grind against a dude’s crotch, rub your lady bits with a foam finger, and wag your nearly naked rump at a crowd and cameras, it is indecent. Twerking is not dancing. It is slutty exhibition.

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I know your daddy has remained pensively positive, but I can only imagine what your spectacle has done to his achy breaky heart. If someone I loved did something so disgusting, I can confidently say it would make me die a little on the inside. By contrast, last year, I published a very sexy video on YouTube of my beloved wife shooting .50-caliber rifles wearing a PVC catsuit that didn’t leave much to the imagination. Even though it was sexy it was not at all trashy. She was exhibiting her excellent marksmanship skills and agreed to do the video to promote men’s health.

Will twerking destroy a paint can 800-yards away? Yeah, I don’t think so. You see, every September a bunch of us guys commit to wear kilts all month and collect donations to raise awareness and support for male-specific cancers. After much discussion, we announced that if my sponsorship reached a certain level, we would make this video. There are these little things called boundaries, and my wife and I have boundaries that we won’t cross. Some things are better left in the bedroom and certainly have no place in public for just anyone to behold. As I watched the recording of your… …thing, the look of disgust on Will Smith’s face mirrored my own reaction.

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Indeed, it appeared that many members of the live audience were disturbed by your antics. I would like to advise you to seek a career that’s more in line with your talent set; there’s probably some openings in Las Vegas for a girl like you. But as you noted on Twitter, what you are doing is getting you a lot of attention.

And, in that you are right. Peddling your sexuality, objectifying your meat, and eschewing art in lieu of profane exhibitionism is making you a lot more money than the hard working girls that I alluded to above. Heck, I don’t even listen to your “music” or watch TV, and you even got my attention. What you did was the professional equivalent of crapping in bed and rolling around in your own feces. It got a lot of attention, but it is not at all good attention. You’re also now in the oldest profession. Rather than relying on work or talent, you have made a whore of yourself, Miley. And although that might seem like a really fun and successful way to go when you are twenty, what happens when you get older?

Well then, you’ll just be an old whore.

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Watch Where You Step

Just yesterday, Jennifer and I were again discussing the unusually high concentration of carnivorous arthropods in the area this season. We have seen vast numbers of ladybugs, dragonflies, wasps, and spiders in our garden and around the house. We rarely see any bugs in the house, perhaps because we have four little furry hunters to keep them in check. Since my daily commute to work is approximately 10-feet, I often don’t wear shoes. Especially in the Summer, I will more often than not be patting around in my sock feet.

This morning, while walking down the hall, I felt a lump of something under my foot. Fearing the worst of what I might have just stepped in, I slowly removed my foot and took a look. It was a spider of the typical orb-weaver variety that we have seen around the garden. But, instead of being crushed as one might expect, it looked up at me with its shiny eyes, unphased, if a little annoyed that I had just stepped on it. It chattered its mandibles and I wondered if I should say, “excuse me” or something. I doubt I need to describe to you the size of the creature.

Back when I worked at the auto parts store in the bad part of town, we had a bit of a ‘pet’ spider. It was another garden variety spider, but had impressively grown to about an inch and a half long, not including its legs. When I first saw it, I commented that it had a beard and grandkids and was older than me. That one met its unfortunate demise when it confronted a customer who stomped it to death while purchasing motor oil for her leaky wreck of a car.

I have no particular fear of spiders; rather I find them to be fascinating creatures that efficiently kill bugs that I don’t like, and decorate their domain with impressively structured webs. They make interesting photography subjects and it’s fun to watch them weave their webs and catch insects. Even so, I still don’t wish to share my home with spiders that justifiably have no fear of me. Whether you are an arachnophobe or not, that’s just creepy!