Wai writes:

If you file for unemployment, you can probably get your state’s unemployment agency to pay for your college classes, if you meet the qualifications. And don’t think of it as “feeding off the system” because your former employer’s unemployment insurance payments to the state pays for these services, for the most part.

As for me, I finally got a job interview next week.

I would have never guessed that Wai was the Antichrist.

The thought of going back to school is becoming more and more plausible. I really am going to check and see what the laws in OK are. I hope your job interview goes well!

There’s mixed news today.

On the up-side, my Kevlar thread and Vectran yarn came in. I’m really looking forward to putting it in some sturdy leather! Hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to parade out some holsters like you’ve never seen before in the not-so-distant future. My ultimate goal is to offer the best looking, toughest holster that you can get. I’m confident the little improvements will eventually get me there.

On the down-side, we still aren’t out of the woods on our whole situation. I’m feeling a lot better about it today, but still freaked out. Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support! The biggest thing Jenni, The Kiddo and I have going for us currently is our support system – which has ironically taken a hit recently. But, that’s the way life rolls, and if you don’t roll with the punches, you get run over.

That’s about all I’ve got for now.

I previously posted about a prayer request. An event occurred today that has me really freaked out. I plead for your prayers. This could totally suck. Right now, I’m trying to tell myself that I’m freaking out for nothing, and everything is going to be just fine. I want to believe that is true, and I think it is true. But, if this goes south, I very literally may not live through it. I don’t think it will go south. I’ve been through this particular struggle before. It was the single most harrowing experience I’ve ever had, and I’m set up for it better this time. Of course, any traumatic experience rearing its ugly head again will cause that irrational fear. This will not be my last blog entry, but I’m scared. I don’t like being scared. I like to know that everything is going well.

Things have been going well for a while now. A couple months ago, I actually wondered when we’d reach the next bump in the road. Well, we have now. I’m still not ready, in my heart. But, I will do everything that I can. I need all your prayers right now. What I was hoping against is what I’m staring at right now. It feels as though my head is in the cobra’s mouth.

My boss was a bank manager. One time, there was a robbery. The robber assaulted the bank with a .22 caliber hand gun. He said that when that thing was pointed at him it was “THIS BIG!!!” He used his hands in a 2-inch circle to show the muzzle from his perspective. I’m hoping that’s what this cobra is. Always the optimist, I’m not going to let go of the idea that it may not be nearly as bad as I perceive it.

Anyway, for the fourth time, I ask for your prayers, this time more than ever before.

About eleven years ago, I met a girl that excited me. I was on the way out of a bad relationship, and everybody said that it was a rebound relationship. When I was at work or school, or she was at work or school, all I could think about was freeing up the schedules to the point that I could see her again. I loved her. I was a conservative young man, and I was not going to let my emotions run away with me, but all I wanted to do was to have a life with this girl. From the first date, which included her paying for some chicken fingers at Denny’s, I felt this way. I’m here to tell you, people, the feeling does come and go.

But today, after eleven years, I was sitting at my desk at work, and I felt the same way. I couldn’t wait for the day to be over so I could be with Jenni. I was crunching the numbers, planning my shipments, prettying up an equipment manual because the last one I did was better than the older ones, and I couldn’t give it 100-percent of my attention, because I can’t stand being apart from her.

I have said on several occasions that I would fight back to back against the zombies with her, over anybody else, any day, ever. That only has a little to do with her xtreem skillz. It has more to do with the fact that I know her and love her. Have you seen my baby with a shotgun? Might I add, that is a 12-gauge? Zombies beware!!!

On the above mentioned day one – first ‘date’ and such, I’m sure that it was mostly puppy-love, but it turned into so much more. The last decade plus has wielded a relationship that is better than that perfect, first date. What I have is a soul-mate. She knows me, and she still loves me (imagine that). I will pester her about leaving shoes around the floor, and sneezing all the time, and being cold when it’s 80 in the house, and even make up annoying little nicknames for her like ‘Juniper Limb,’ which she even uses as a screen name on forums, and she only ever returns love. How could I not return that love?

I know full-well that both of you that read my blog also read hers. Therefore, I know that you know of the deal that she’s working through right now. And, I know that you know how she feels about me through the experience. Wow. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything that special. I’m simply trying my best to be there for her. “I’m trying to be my best…”

I also know that if you are following me, you know that I am also personally facing issues intertwined with all the stuff going on. It hurts, guys. It hurts bad. I vaguely wrote about it a year and a half ago. Like a sick or injured animal, I’m really not comfortable sharing the specifics of that quite yet. I feel shame. I know that I shouldn’t, but I do. I imagine the dog with the injured leg, ignoring the pain, so he doesn’t limp, and the others in the pack don’t see his weakness. That’s kind of how it feels right now.

Even though Jenni’s news only recently broke, I knew. I didn’t know who, but I knew. Before the fact, I thought it would be a relief. In a way, it is. It hurts a lot worse than I expected it to – and yet, not so much. What I had in mind was completely fictional and unreal. It was a cartoon ghost created in the dark depths of my own mind. Recently, sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode, but other times, I feel so much more free than I have before in the last decade. The funny thing is that I avoided asking her about it because I was afraid of how it would hurt. It’s still worth it, and I should not have put off the question for my own benefit. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have still let her have her time with it, and come out in her own timing. But, enough of that for now!

I love her. All else aside, this relationship is working! My ‘rebound’ relationship turned out to be the rare and wonderful ‘real thing.’ Every time we have hit a rut in the road, it has only drawn us closer together. I know that hard times can drive a couple apart, but I will reference my above comment of fighting the zombies back to back with her. Right now, we are figuratively fighting zombies. They are no longer alive, but they do threaten our very being. The times are bad. But, I’m back to back with the one person that I want to be with for the experience. If there are any two people that can live through this battle, it’s my Jenni and me. We will make it, and we’ll be stronger and closer for it.

As Jay G tends to say,

That is all.

I know a lot of you have to be wondering what the heck is going on. This is what Jenni has to say in her most recent blog entry:

A long time ago, I was a victim. Yesterday, he threatened my family. I had never told anyone that he had molested me when I was child. Now, my husband knows, my parents know, my in-laws know, and anyone else that needs to know will soon know. I have set that ball in motion. And I am free.

I decided that it wasn’t my shame to carry so I gave it back. Now that I have opened it up, I know that I have scars to deal with. That’s okay. There is no shame in being a victim. Particularly if you were a helpless one. That is a burden that I will not carry any longer. He can have it. I also will not allow my silence to put anyone else at risk. I will not be silent any more.

The person in question has innocent children. Out of respect for them, I will not divulge any more details here. I will be doing what I can to make sure they are protected and safe. Hopefully, by breaking my silence, they will not be victims. I will not be backed into a corner by a child molestor. He will not have any power over my family.

All of the above was brand-new news to me yesterday. Needless to say, I was a little shell-shocked. I’m feeling an amazing peace about it all now. The numbness and rage have pretty well subsided. I know that this is a beginning point for some much-needed, put-off healing.

I love that girl! To a large extent, this is her fight and I’m the back up. I wouldn’t let her do it alone, afterall! Thanks again to all of you for your continued support. You people are awesome!

I want to thank all of the wonderful people that have offered us support today. You people are amazing! There are a lot of bloggers that have a whole lot more readers than I do, but I’ve got the best ones. With the issue that we are facing, we are not out of the woods yet, but I’m feeling a peace and clarity that I didn’t think would be possible this soon. I’m feeling a lot more like my optimistic self, and Jen seems to be feeling a lot better as well. Perhaps I’ll feel at liberty to share such struggles on the interwebtron. But, in lieu of that, thank you for just taking my word for it. I should have something more entertaining up before too long.

My wife put it well here. Yeah, what she said. I’m feeling kind of numb and kind of sick right now. Please keep us in your prayers.

Have you ever noticed how many of the biblical stories that we all know are so very vague? You know there has to be a real story there, but they sum it up in like one or two emotionless sentences. For instance:

20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.

Genesis 2:20a via Bible Gateway

Alright. This sounds like it may have been an event of some kind. I understand that mankind has always been interested in his surroundings, and that we want to grow, understand and conquer our settings. But, this is just a little on the bland side. This passage came up on Sunday, and my mind got to wandering…

*In The Garden of Eden, Adam is given the task of naming all the creatures on Earth. God is keeping track as he goes.*

“God, we’ve been at this for hours. Are we done yet?”

“No, Adam,” God chuckled at the new human, “There are still lots of animals. What do you want to call that one?”

“Hmmm… I think that’s going to be a bird.”

“Alright. What about this one over here?”

“That one is also a bird.”

“Are you sure? These two creatures are quite different from each other.”

“Oh, good point! Well, the first one can be an ostrich and the second one can be a sparrow.”

“So, neither one is a bird?”

“No, they’re both birds, just different kinds of birds. God, are you getting all of this?”

“Oh, yes. Both birds, ostrich and sparrow. I’ve got it.”

“God, I’m getting bored.”

“Let’s just name a few more animals, and then we can take a break for a while. What about the creature on the log? What would you like to call it?”

“The one on the log? I don’t know. It’s kind of slimey. On a log. On a log… Let’s call it a frrrrrr… Let’s call it a FROG! Hee hee!”

“Alright, ‘frog‘ it is. What about the one standing next to it?”

“That’s a DOG!”

“Okay. And, how about the small one swimming in the water beside them?”

“POLY-WOG! Hahahahahahaaaaa!”

“Now, you’re just being silly! Come on, Adam. Just a few more animals for now. Look at that one over there. What do you want to call it?”

“Woah! That is one weird looking animal! God, why’d you make that one so strange?”

“I had to mix things up to keep creation interesting. What would you like to call it?”

“It’s just so bizarre! It needs a really weird name. Let’s call it… …a… …plat… …eeeee… …pus! That’s it! It’s a platypus.”

So on and so forth. I have to wonder if there ever were more details that got lost somewhere in the oral tradition. Maybe we’ll know someday.

In response to my last post, my interwebtron buddy “Orange Neck” commented:

Awwwww…why do you mid-west rednecks get to have all the fun?

ONinNY, there are lots of people like you. Many people wind up in areas that they simply don’t belong for whatever reason. My other freind, Instinct is pretty much in the same boat, actually. If you want to live out here, you will eventually, and I’ll tell you why that’s good enough. Jesus told a parable in Matthew 20:1-16:

1″For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. 2He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.

3″About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. 4He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ 5So they went.

“He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. 6About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’

7″ ‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered.
“He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’

8″When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’

9″The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. 10So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12′These men who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’

13″But he answered one of them, ‘Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? 14Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’

16″So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

Now, I’ve never been to heaven, but I live in Oklahoma. *snickering at my own silly reference* The way I look at it, somebody like Orange Neck or Instinct eventually winds up in a place like this. Even if it’s a lot later than they wanted to, it still counts. I work with a woman who is a naturalized immigrant from South Africa. She’s more of an American than most natural-born citizens I’ve ever met. Consider how the population of Israel has grown nearly ten times over! The same goes for here. There are a lot of people living in Oklahoma that are not Okies. Similarly, there are a lot of people who have moved to Oklahoma that are more Okie than I am. Will you be an Okie one day? Just make sure you aren’t the Okie in boots with a New York accent! Even if you are, it will only get you punked, not injured. The bottom line is this: Whatever you want in life – whatever your heart truly desires, work for it and towards it. You’ll get there soon enough.

I’d like to take the opportunity to give a belated shout-out to all the fathers out there. I will say from personal experience that it’s hard (and yet quite rewarding) work being a dad. I know that I haven’t done everything right in my role as a dad – and neither has anyone else. I hope that the other dads out there put in the effort to be the best dad that they can. We are called to be gentlemen, warriors, and spiritual leaders. It takes two parents to raise children, and neither role can be diminished in the least. Being a dad is one of the most important jobs that anyone can have. It’s right up there with being a mom!

At this point, I’ve been a dad for ten and a half years. I’m much better at it now than I was at first. One of my co-workers recently became a dad. This was his first Father’s Day. Early on, when he complained about the midnight feedings and diaper changes, I told him that this was the easiest he would have it. I told him that the journey from infancy to adulthood only got harder and harder as a parent. BUT… A big BUT, it will be worth it!

Now that the kiddo is ten, parenting is WAY more of a challenge than ever before. But, he’s so much more fun now! On Saturday, we rode a bunch of roller coasters together. He goes shooting with me, and he can clean his own rifle after our outings! He’s capable of making some complicated decisions on his own at this point. Ten is such a funny age. I hate the word ‘tween,’ but I do understand the sentiment. He’s caught in the limbo between being a little child and being a budding adult. His good decisions are getting more frequent and more predictable. That only makes it that much more frustrating when he does something childish!

On Friday afternoon, the three of us went to the gun range. He is usually so responsible with a firearm, but not on Friday. I had to repeatedly remind him to keep his trigger finger in check. When he emptied his magazine, he didn’t bother to pull it out and lock the action back. He proceeded to sweep the entire range on his way back from the firing line. Needless to say, I was furious! I was not too hard on him, though. I took his rifle from him, cleared it, put it away, and told him what he had done wrong. He knew. That’s all I had to do. He said he was sorry. I told him that I was glad that his irresponsible behavior had not led to anyone being shot. I told him that I knew he would do better on the next range trip.

It was my fault, though. He is ten. I’m his dad. It is my responsibility to be the range safety officer when he’s at the firing line. He’s always so good with the gun that I got sloppy on the one occasion that he happened to be off his game. That just serves as a reminder that I can’t slack off, and I can’t get lazy. Like teaching a kid to ride a bike, you often have to hang on to that seat even when it feels like they are balancing it on their own. He’s turning into a great man, but he’s not riding the bike on his own quite yet. There are times to allow a child to fail because of their own poor choices, but never with a firearm, and I know this. Still, at some point, you have to let go of the bike and let them ride it on their own.

In six years, he’ll be driving. In eight years, he will be a legal adult. If I do my job right, he’ll be a mental and emotional adult. I’m always shocked at how many people never actually make it that far. But, the kiddo has a great mom, and I hope that he’s got a great dad! That’s my goal – my most important job right now.

To all the gentlemen that are fathers of children – Keep the faith and run hard! Play hard and guide and mold those children. Chivalry is not dead and respect is not archaic. Love your kids, and keep them going straight. More than anything, love the kids third best. Love God first, love their mom second best, and make them a very close third. I believe that many mistakes are forgivable and easily surmountable. Follow the simple guidelines above and you will be a successful dad. Good luck and God bless!

To all the gentlemen that are fathers of adults – thank you. The job is not in the least an easy one, but thanks for sticking with it. Your job has contributed to all of us!